Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a discussion of both views regarding salary disparities between directors and ordinary employees. While the writer provides some arguments for both sides, the essay lacks depth and clarity in the presentation of ideas. There are noticeable issues with coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy, which hinder the overall effectiveness of the argument.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and some points lack clarity and support. The writer's opinion is stated but not convincingly justified. More specific examples and detailed explanations would improve the task response.
While the essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, the overall structure lacks clarity and logical progression. The use of linking words is attempted but not always effective, leading to some confusion in the flow of ideas. Paragraphs could be better organized to enhance coherence and cohesion.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice, such as 'rises the person’s effectiveness' and 'to some extended.' The writer could benefit from using more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas more clearly.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and punctuation errors. These mistakes sometimes obscure the intended meaning. Improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure would enhance the clarity of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Some individuals believe that the wages of high level employees such as directors must be the same with the ordinary employees, while, others insist that this way of thinking is incorrect. I totally agree with the latter opinion. The forthcoming essay shall discuss the both views and explain my point of view.
The introduction outlines the topic and states the writer's opinion. However, it could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main points to be discussed in the essay.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, some people argue that the salaries of directors should be equal with their colleagues to some extended. To begin with, the equality in the office provides the equal atmosphere and rises the person’s effectiveness, and the relationship among colleagues, who work in one section, would improve due to their financial level. Moreover, employees become professional in a specific occupation and remain in that position for couple of years in order trying to become manager for higher income, in a result, this will increase the company’s profit.
This paragraph presents arguments for equal salaries but lacks clarity and coherence. The points are not well-developed, and there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Providing specific examples and clearer explanations would strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary, regular staffs might not have done several years of work .Also,they might not have proper degrees or masters to fit in a bigger role.For reaching such a stage, they have to do lots of hard work.These all factors constitute the reason for the lower payment of the usual workforce.However, there are people who bargain for huge money in return for their job without eligibility.
The paragraph attempts to explain why directors earn higher salaries but lacks coherence and depth. The ideas are not clearly connected, and there are grammatical issues. A more structured approach with clear topic sentences and supporting details would improve this section.
Conclusion
In Conclusion, as per my opinion, it is requisite to give money according to their designation because it makes the workers competitive in nature so that they can compete with their peers to gain promotions and bonus and ultimately, they become more progressive.
The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. It could be improved by clearly summarizing the key arguments discussed and providing a more compelling justification for the writer's stance.
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