Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.0
Overall Band
5.0
Task Response
5.0
Coherence
5.0
Lexical
4.0
Grammar
The essay provides a basic discussion of the topic but lacks depth and clarity in expressing the arguments. The language used is often unclear, with many grammatical errors that affect the readability of the essay. The coherence and cohesion are weak due to a lack of clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas.
The essay attempts to address both views but does so in a rather superficial manner. The arguments presented lack sufficient development and support. The opinion is not clearly stated or effectively integrated into the discussion.
The structure of the essay is not clear, with ideas not well-organized into paragraphs. There is a lack of clear topic sentences and logical progression of ideas. Transitions between ideas are weak or missing, making it difficult to follow the argument.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are several instances of inappropriate word choices and collocations. Some complex vocabulary is attempted but often inaccurately used, leading to confusion.
The essay contains many grammatical errors, including issues with verb forms, sentence structure, and punctuation. These errors often obscure meaning and hinder communication. There is limited control over complex sentence structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, it is common for leaders of organizations to receive higher salaries than the employees. While some consider this essence of doing business, others argue that this is bias. In recent years, it has become common for various occupation to ofer substantially income for personel holding leadership positions than their subordinates
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and contains several grammatical errors. The topic is introduced, but the sentence structure is awkward, and the purpose of the essay is not clearly stated.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is true that there is a big difference in paying salaries regarding their effort time and passionate contribution. For instance, CEOs of Apples (achieve more than 10 fold than their employees who earn 15-20 dollars) often make healine about high salaries and huge benefit packages including bonus and company's shares, which could amount to millions of US dollar. In contrast, the average of ordinary workers typically range from … per year. This is unrealistic because the group of people holding important positions do not pay more efforts than other employees. As everyone can just have 24 hours a day and have to work at least 8 hours which means unequally. As a result, this is not fair to every people in the company for what they have to put in.
The paragraph attempts to discuss the unfairness of high salaries for directors but lacks clear examples and coherent structure. The ideas are not well-developed, and the argument is not convincingly presented. There are numerous grammatical errors affecting clarity.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, giving high salaries can be a good opportunity for peoples who take over the leader position and stimulate others to follow by. Therefore, they have to be more responsible in working environment. This is because directors have invest a large number of money which is shares in big companies. The success, achievements, and failure will be determined by them as the organization goes bankrupt, it will affect on other peoples. As a result, they play an important role and dramatically more pivotal. As for the later, their appearance can be the reason for attracting talents.
This paragraph presents an argument for high salaries but is unclear and lacks coherence. Key points are not well-explained, and the connection between ideas is weak. Grammatical mistakes further obscure the intended meaning.
Conclusion
High pay means that employees should work more harder and their contributions are deserved with rewarded. It is the key factor to retain workers. Increasing competition with each others exert a pull on higly skilled professional. Since, big companies are more and more sustainable.
The conclusion is vague and does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. It introduces new ideas without proper explanation and contains several grammatical errors. The concluding opinion or statement is missing.
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