Evaluation for Question #8380

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Your Essay

On the one hand, joining the workforce at a really young age can generate various benefits for both employers and employees. This can give these school-leavers an early start for their career paths, providing potential opportunities to adapt to the job market and develop themselves in skills and experiences. While their peers still need to learn academic knowledge, they have chances to face practical challenges sooner, helping them to become more independent and enhance personal involvement. Additionally, there are jobs that do not require any qualifications or theoretical knowledge, though they demand real experiences and skills. For example, in fields such as sales or marketing, a person with expertise in theories might not have a more successful career than a person who is experienced and skilled.  skillful. Thus, it can be a waste of time for individuals, whose jobs require practice rather than knowledge-based if they need to undergo any unessential course in higher education.
On the other hand, pursuing a degree in universities can both be necessary and helpful for some, whose goals are becoming experts and professors in any field and occupations. Universities or colleges, which will supply students with full academic and theoretical lessons, leading them to achieve higher levels of knowledge and even gain an insight into fields that students are studying and oriented to. Individuals who study atin prestigious universities and colleges will become potential employees for companies, enhancing their opportunities and getting plus points in the job market. Not only knowledge, getting a college degree makes chances for students to make friends, strengthen social bonds, and extend their friendship circle. Collaborationcollaboration with peers, seniors, and professors enhances their teamwork, communication skills, and leadership skills, and generates favourable time for observation, inquiry, and motivation. Besides that, there are jobs that highly require a degree and a long process of study, such as doctor, engineer, or scientist. For instance, to become a doctor, students need to achieve bachelor degrees and master degrees, which take seven years to get. Although their study path can be hard and determined, waiting for them is a potential career path and promising professional life.
In summary, while getting into the job market right after finishing school can bring practical skills and experiences, the knowledge collected from higher education is still more essential and can increase personal value. For me, pursuing universities and colleges is the shortest and easiest path to success.

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6.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay offers a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion. It demonstrates a good understanding of the task; however, there are issues with sentence structure, word choice, and grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. Improved coherence and more precise vocabulary usage would enhance the essay.

The essay addresses all parts of the task, presenting a discussion of both views and providing a clear opinion. The arguments are relevant and supported with examples. However, the essay could benefit from more depth and elaboration on some points, particularly in explaining why higher education is seen as the 'shortest and easiest path to success.'

The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes mechanical, and there are a few abrupt transitions. The connection between ideas could be more fluid, and the conclusion could have been better connected to the preceding arguments.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'skillful' repeated, 'getting plus points'). More precise and varied vocabulary would improve the quality of the essay.

There are noticeable grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, sentence fragments, and awkward sentence structures. These errors sometimes interfere with clarity and hinder the reader's understanding. More attention to grammatical accuracy and complex sentence structures is needed.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

On the one hand, joining the workforce at a really young age can generate various benefits for both employers and employees.

The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and both sides of the argument. It currently reads more like the beginning of a body paragraph.

Body paragraph 1

This can give these school-leavers an early start for their career paths, providing potential opportunities to adapt to the job market and develop themselves in skills and experiences.

This paragraph discusses the benefits of entering the workforce early and provides relevant examples. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, and the point about jobs not requiring qualifications could be expanded.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, pursuing a degree in universities can both be necessary and helpful for some, whose goals are becoming experts and professors in any field and occupations.

This paragraph effectively outlines the advantages of higher education, including gaining knowledge and developing social skills. However, some sentences are overly complex or contain errors, impacting clarity.

Conclusion

In summary, while getting into the job market right after finishing school can bring practical skills and experiences, the knowledge collected from higher education is still more essential and can increase personal value.

The conclusion summarizes the main points and presents an opinion. However, it introduces new ideas, such as higher education increasing personal value, which could have been elaborated upon earlier in the essay.

Evaluation for Question #8380

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8380

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN