Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, it lacks clear organization and has grammatical errors that affect readability. Vocabulary is adequate but could be more precise and varied.
The essay discusses both perspectives and provides an opinion, but the argument is not fully developed. The opinion given is not strongly supported by the points made, and the essay lacks depth in exploring why one path might be preferable over the other.
The essay is organized with clear paragraphs, but the connections between ideas are sometimes unclear. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, but they are not always effective or used correctly.
The vocabulary used is adequate for discussing the topic, but there is limited range and precision. Some expressions are awkward or incorrect, and there is a need for more varied language to enhance clarity and engagement.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with verb tense, agreement, and sentence structure. These errors detract from the overall clarity and readability of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Students after finishing their academic- course have several choices to pick on and build their future. It is widely believed that pursuing higher-education is the most effective choice, others argue that joining the workforce immediately as expeditiously as possible without a degree still can gain long-term benefits and can be more successful. While getting a college degree is true to an extent, I believe we still need to consider individuals who enter the job market. This essay will discuss both perspectives and give my own opinion afterwards.
The introduction outlines the topic and presents both views, but the thesis statement is unclear. The sentence structure is awkward, and there are errors in punctuation. It could be more concise.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is true that attending university provides individual necessary knowledge and qualification for those whose ambition is to be specialized in any field they pursue. The academic knowledge in university can help students gain theoretical experience which will need jobs which rely chiefly on high skills and savvy. Vocation such as engineering, doctor, lawyer require people's experiences and formal education that only can be obtained in the higher-education. Moreover, absorbing knowledge in universities also provides practical skills that are necessary for the rivalry in the job market, which will help students to gain more opportunities, enhance job prospects and accelerate their reputation. Attending college develops soft skills such as leadership skills, communication skills, critical thinking,... these make a person's experience and skill accelerate and finding the jobs in the future will become feasible. Not only build themself a strong foundation, but also employers now prioritize students who graduated from prestigious schools since the environment they study at can gain a much more effects and have a better rehabilitation.
The paragraph presents reasons for attending university, but it lacks clear structure and coherence. The arguments are somewhat repetitive, and there are several grammatical errors. The use of '...' is informal and should be avoided.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, some believe that gaining work experience immediately after school is a more practical approach. By enter the workforce sooner, individuals can earn money, gain hands-on experience, and develop essential workplace skills. Some of jobs which do not require a qualification but do rely on their savvy and daily experience like content creator, sale, software engineering or also janitor. Account of applying in these non-qualification jobs, some entrepreneurs by many years collide with challenges, this is because by the time their friends graduate, they had already accumulated several years of hands-on experience, which far outweigh the benefits of theoretical knowledge learnt at schools. Some of them earn salaries as high as people who have a degree in higher-education.
The paragraph attempts to argue for entering the workforce directly, but the points are not well-organized or clearly expressed. Some sentences are confusing due to grammatical errors, and the paragraph lacks a clear conclusion.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both of this paths lead to individuals having their own benefits and having their own impact, my perspective is more into attending universities and gaining a degree since it will be more feasible to have financial stability jobs in my country. Ultimately, the best way depends on an individual's career goals and personal circumstances.
The conclusion restates the opinion but lacks a strong summary of the arguments. The reasoning for the opinion is not clearly linked to the points made in the essay, and there are grammatical errors affecting clarity.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội