Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
8
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay effectively discusses both views and presents a clear opinion. There is a logical structure, and the argument is supported with examples. However, there is room for improvement in lexical range and grammatical accuracy.
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, supported by relevant examples. However, the argument could be expanded with more detailed analysis or additional points.
The essay is well-structured with clear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
The vocabulary is appropriate and relevant to the topic. However, there is limited use of complex or varied vocabulary, which could enhance the essay's sophistication.
The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, but there are minor grammatical errors that slightly impede clarity, such as punctuation issues and awkward phrasing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
In this day and age, the debate on the best path to success remains contentious. While there are valid arguments in favor of entering the workforce immediately after high school, I believe that attending university is the most effective route to achieving success.
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion. However, it could benefit from a more engaging hook to capture the reader's interest.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there is a growing belief that starting work after high school offers more benefits. The primary reason is that early exposure to various work environments can improve communication and problem-solving skills over time. Engaging with different perspectives in the workplace allows individuals to come up with decisive and practical solutions to problems, which is valuable to companies. Additionally, earning a salary can help ease financial burdens, particularly for those who face financial struggles. For example, in Vietnam, many students take part-time jobs after high school, which helps them cover basic living expenses.
This paragraph effectively presents arguments for starting work after high school, with a relevant example. It could be strengthened by providing more specific details or statistics to support the claim.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, I believe that attending university offers students many opportunities for long-term career growth. The structured academic environment helps students identify their strengths and weaknesses, enabling them to create a clear and effective plan for their future careers. Furthermore, universities often have partnerships with various organizations, offering students opportunities for internships. For instance, in Vietnam, completing such an internship can result in certifications and valuable skills, which significantly enhance students' chances of securing well-paying jobs in the future.
The paragraph effectively supports the argument for attending university with clear points and examples. It could be improved by further elaborating on how these opportunities directly lead to career success.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while both perspectives have merit, I firmly believe that attending university after high school is the best route for securing a successful career, as it provides the foundation for long-term professional opportunities.
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. It could be enhanced by suggesting potential implications or future trends related to the topic.
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