Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a basic discussion of the topic, but there are several issues with task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical accuracy that limit its effectiveness. The arguments are not fully developed, and there are several language inaccuracies.
The essay addresses both views, but the discussion is limited and lacks depth. The author's opinion is not clearly stated, and the points made are not sufficiently developed with examples or explanations. The essay could benefit from a clearer stance and more detailed arguments.
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the progression of ideas is not smooth. The introduction does not clearly introduce the topic, and the conclusion is missing. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs need improvement to enhance the overall flow.
The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inaccurate. There are several spelling errors, such as 'colleage' instead of 'college.' The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choice to convey ideas more effectively.
There are frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect word forms, and sentence structure problems. The essay would benefit from more complex sentence structures and fewer grammatical mistakes.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Some individuals believe that attending to higher education is rewarding to enter the job labour, while the others think that joining the workforce right after leaving school is a better decision. This essay will demonstrate the author’s point of view.
The introduction attempts to introduce the topic but lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. The phrase 'attending to higher education' is awkward, and 'job labour' is an incorrect expression. The thesis statement is vague and does not clearly outline the essay's structure or the author's opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, people study in university or colleage because they want to have a suitable job in the future. To be specific, universities provide theoretical knowledge and specialized skills that are value in the job market, which enhances the chance of getting a rewarding career. For example, if you have a prestigious university degree, you will be more likely employed while the others won’t because that degree is a evidence for the time and effort you spend for studying.
This paragraph presents an argument in favor of higher education but lacks depth and development. The example provided is not well-explained, and there are several grammatical errors, such as 'a evidence' and 'value in the job market.' More detailed examples and explanations are needed to strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
In constrast, many people decide to drop out of school to start working due to competitive edge, time and experience. In explanation, some jobs do not need a qualification like football player, content creator, marketer and some academic jobs require apprenticeship. For instance, when you become a marketer, you don’t have to have internship which helps you safe your time and gain more experience.
This paragraph attempts to present the opposing view but is underdeveloped and contains inaccuracies. The examples provided are not clearly linked to the argument, and there are grammatical errors, such as 'safe your time' instead of 'save your time.' The paragraph needs clearer explanations and more relevant examples.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion, which is necessary to summarize the main points and restate the author's opinion. A conclusion should provide a clear and concise summary of the arguments discussed in the essay.
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