Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on whether to pursue higher education or enter the workforce directly after school. The writer provides relevant examples and arguments for both perspectives. However, there are areas where clarity and coherence could be improved, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. There are also several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that hinder the overall readability.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the introduction does not clearly present the writer's opinion, and the conclusion is missing entirely. The essay could be improved by more clearly stating the writer's perspective and summarizing the arguments in a conclusion.
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. However, the introduction is somewhat vague, and the lack of a conclusion affects the overall coherence. There are also instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother.
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, but there are some awkward phrases and word choices that affect clarity. The writer demonstrates the ability to use a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of repetition and incorrect word forms.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect word forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors detract from the overall readability and clarity of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Some citizens believe that pursuing higher education is the most effective path, whereas others think that it is better to start working and join the workforce. In the following essay, I will discuss both of this problem.
The introduction outlines the two perspectives but lacks a clear thesis statement or opinion. The phrase 'both of this problem' is awkward and should be revised for clarity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some individuals decide to study at university or college to gain knowledge, improve career opportunities and even get a higher salary. This is because, university education prepare individuals for the workforce by providing academic or theoretical knowledge and training students. Besides, it can provide practical skills that are necessary for the job market. The pupils will be trained about soft skills such as leadership, communication or teamwork, or some skills more important like critical thinking, problem-solving and decisions making. In addition, acquire specialized knowledge and skills can effective solve and requirements of future jobs become outstanding in the workforce that are valuable in the job market, which enhance the chances of getting a rewarding career. Furthermore, in most workplaces, employers often prioritize those who graduate from well-known schools.
This paragraph presents a strong argument for pursuing higher education, with relevant examples and points. However, there are several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and missing articles. The sentence structure is occasionally awkward, which affects clarity.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, there are jobs that require practical experience and skill-based rather than knowledge based. For example, in sales or marketing, it relies mostly on the creativity and the ability to communicate, rather than on the theoretical knowledge learnt at univesities. Therefore, it would be a waste of the individuals’ time if they were forced to undergo formal trainings at universities. Gaining practical experience early in one’s career can give these school-leavers an early start that later provides a competitive edge over their peers who decided to go to university after high school. This is because by the time their friends graduate, they had already accumulated several years of hands-on experience, which far outweigh the benefits of theoretical knowledge learnt at schools.
The paragraph effectively argues for entering the workforce directly after school. It provides clear examples and a logical explanation of the advantages. However, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be improved for better readability.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion, which is necessary to summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion. Adding a conclusion would improve the overall coherence and completeness of the essay.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
