Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents both views of the argument but lacks depth and clarity in its discussion. There are several grammatical errors, and the essay would benefit from more precise language and improved cohesion.
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. The essay could be improved by providing more detailed examples and explanations.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas within paragraphs are not always logically connected, and there is a lack of clear progression. Transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother to enhance cohesion.
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word forms. There is a need for more precise and varied language to clearly convey ideas and arguments.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and incorrect tense usage. These errors often obscure meaning and affect the overall readability of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, many people argue that the best way to succeed is to study college and university while other think instead of following these route to success, it is better to find a job and after finishing high school. In my point of view, i agree with the former discussion. This essay will explore both sides of this arguments before reaching conclusion.
The introduction presents the topic and states the writer's opinion, but contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. It could be more concise and clear in setting up the discussion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there some arguments around the idea of that is better to get a job instead of study university. To begin with, young people can earn money as soon as they get a job and be a part of workforce. It also means youngsters can independence to them and it a way to show that they will no longer being control by their parents. Besides that, high school leavers believe that entering the workforce as soon as they can is a ways of success quickly. They can gain real experience from learning practical skills while at the beginning career. Early promotions and having a successful career are what they aim for when they decide to join workforce early.
This paragraph discusses the benefits of entering the workforce immediately after high school. However, it includes several grammatical errors and lacks clear examples to support the points made. The ideas need to be more logically connected.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, there are several reason behind this argue why it is important to study university and college. Firstly, there are some special jobs that required university and college degree. For Instance, these jobs included doctor, lawyer are impossible to become without relevant degree. Furthermore, having university graduates can give graduated students better opportunities in career or even higher salaries. Another argument would be the recent increase in competition in the job market. For example, hundreds of applicants have to compete for only one position in a company. It also means that people who have no qualifications may not be able to compete with others.
This paragraph presents arguments for pursuing higher education. It is more coherent than the first paragraph but still has grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The examples provided are relevant, but the paragraph would benefit from further expansion and clarity.
Conclusion
All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when people evaluate the effects of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that students should have further education after high school. People should have further consideration on this issue.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but is vague and does not effectively encapsulate the main arguments. It reiterates the writer's opinion but lacks a strong final statement or recommendation.
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