Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6.5
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views regarding pursuing higher education versus entering the workforce directly after high school. While the arguments are clear and supported with examples, the essay could benefit from more in-depth analysis and a stronger conclusion. Additionally, there are occasional grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that detract from clarity.
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. The points made are relevant and supported with examples. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak and does not effectively summarize the arguments or restate the opinion strongly enough.
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of linking words and phrases could be improved to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors in word choice. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to more precisely express ideas and arguments.
There are some grammatical errors, including awkward sentence structures and verb usage. While these do not significantly impede understanding, they do affect the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
The issue of future careers has sparked considerable debate in recent times. While some people argue that the best way to succeed is to have further education at a university or college, others maintain that getting a job right after school is a better choice. In my opinion, I totally agree with the former point of view. This essay will explore both sides of this argument before reaching a conclusion.
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the two opposing views. It also states the writer's opinion, which is good. However, the phrase 'I totally agree with the former point of view' could be more formally structured.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some arguments in favour of the idea that it is better to get a job straight after school. To begin with, young people can earn money as soon as they get a job and be a part of the workforce. It also means independence to them, they believe that is a way to feel free and no longer be controlled by their parents. Some of them will plan to save up to afford a home or even start a new family right after getting a job. Besides that, high school leavers believe that entering the workforce will make progress to achieve success more quickly. They can gain real experience from learning practical skills while beginning employment. Early promotions and having a successful career are what they aim for when they decide to join the labor force.
The paragraph presents several reasons why entering the workforce after high school might be beneficial. The points are clear, but some sentences are lengthy and could be split for better clarity. Also, the transition between ideas could be smoother.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, there are several reasons to support the statement that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career. Initially, the main argument would be that many professions nowadays require academic qualifications. It is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or a lawyer without relevant degree. Having university graduates may give graduated students better opportunities and even higher salaries. Another argument would be the recent increase in competition in the job market. For example, hundreds of applicants have to compete for only one position in a company. It also means that people who have no qualifications may not be able to compete with others.
This paragraph effectively discusses the benefits of higher education. However, the sentence 'Having university graduates may give graduated students better opportunities and even higher salaries' is awkwardly phrased. More precise vocabulary could enhance the arguments.
Conclusion
All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when people evaluate the effects of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that students should have further education after high school. People should have further consideration on this issue.
The conclusion restates the opinion but lacks a strong summary of the arguments presented. It could be improved by succinctly summarizing the key points from each side and reinforcing the writer's stance.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
