Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses both views of the debate but suffers from several issues including repetition, grammatical errors, and lack of coherence. The arguments are presented, but they are not well-developed or clearly structured. The essay needs more clarity and conciseness to effectively communicate the writer's viewpoint.
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but lacks depth in the discussion. The writer repeats phrases and ideas, which affects clarity. The opinion is stated but not well-supported. The conclusion is vague and does not provide a strong resolution to the discussion.
There is an attempt to organize the essay with paragraphs, but ideas are repeated and not logically developed. Transitions between ideas are weak, and there is frequent repetition of phrases, which disrupts the flow of the essay.
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are attempts to use more complex structures, but they are not used accurately. There is limited variety in word choice, and some phrases are awkward or unclear.
Frequent grammatical errors are present, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. These errors impede meaning and clarity. There is a need for more accurate and varied grammatical structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, many people argue that the best way to succeed is to study college and university while other others think instead of following these route to success, it is better to find a job and after finishing high school. think instead of following these route to success, it is better to find a job and after finishing high school. this route it is better to find a job and after finishing high school. better to find a job after finishing high school. In my point of view, i agree with the former discussion. I In my point of view, i agree with the former discussion. From my point of view This essay will explore both sides of this arguments before reaching conclusion. these arguments This essay will explore both sides of this arguments before reaching conclusion. reaching a conclusion
The introduction is repetitive and lacks clarity. It contains grammatical errors and redundancy. The thesis statement is not clear, and the introduction does not effectively set up the essay's structure.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some arguments around the idea of that is better to get a job instead of study university. To begin with, young people can earn money as soon as they get a job and be a part of the workforce. It also means youngsters can be independent and it a way to show that they will no longer be controlled by their parents. Besides that, high school leavers believe that entering the workforce as soon as they can is a way to succeed quickly. They can gain real experience from learning practical skills while at the beginning of their career. Early promotions and having a successful career are what they aim for when they decide to join the workforce early.
This paragraph presents arguments for entering the workforce after high school. However, the ideas are not well-developed, and there is a lack of specific examples or evidence. The paragraph lacks coherence due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, there are several reasons behind this argue why it is important to study university and college. Firstly, there is some special jobs that require university and college degree. For instance , these jobs include doctor, lawyer are impossible to become without relevant degree. Furthermore, having a university degree can give graduates better opportunities in career or even higher salaries.
The second body paragraph presents reasons for pursuing higher education but lacks depth and clarity. The examples are too general, and there are grammatical mistakes. The paragraph does not fully explore the benefits of university education.
Conclusion
All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when people evaluate the effects of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that students should have further education after high school. People should give further consideration to this issue.
The conclusion is vague and does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. It introduces new ideas instead of reinforcing the thesis. The final opinion is not clearly articulated or supported.
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