Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses both views of the topic and presents a clear opinion. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and examples, and there are some grammatical inaccuracies and lexical issues that affect clarity.
The essay discusses both views and provides a clear opinion towards the end. However, the arguments are somewhat generalized and lack specific examples that could strengthen the points made. The conclusion reiterates the opinion but could be more substantively linked to the preceding arguments.
The essay is organized with a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. However, transitions between some sentences and ideas could be smoother. Some parts of the essay feel disjointed due to abrupt sentence structures.
The vocabulary is adequate for conveying the main ideas, but there is a lack of variety and precision in word choice. Some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity and naturalness.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. While the grammar is generally understandable, these errors detract from the overall clarity and fluidity of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, many people argue that the best way to succeed is to study college and university while others think instead of following these routes to success, it is better to find a job and after finishing high school. In my point of view, I agree with the former discussion. This essay will explore both sides of these arguments before reaching a conclusion.
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion. However, the phrase 'the former discussion' is ambiguous and could be more explicitly linked to the previous sentence. The sentence structure could be smoother.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some arguments around the idea that it is better to get a job instead of studying at university. To begin with, young people can earn money as soon as they get a job and be a part of the workforce. It also means youngsters can have independence and it is a way to show that they will no longer be controlled by their parents. Besides that, high school leavers believe that entering the workforce as soon as they can is a way of success quickly. They can gain real experience from learning practical skills while at the beginning of their career. Early promotions and having a successful career are what they aim for when they decide to join the workforce early.
This paragraph outlines the advantages of entering the workforce early. However, it lacks specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. The reasoning is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, there are several reasons behind why it is important to study university and college. Firstly, there are some special jobs that require a university and college degree. For Instance, these jobs, including doctor and lawyer, are impossible to become without a relevant degree. Furthermore, having university graduates can give graduated students better career opportunities or even higher salaries. Another argument would be the recent increase in competition in the job market. For example, hundreds of applicants have to compete for only one position in a company. It also means that people who have no qualifications may not be able to compete with others.
The paragraph presents the advantages of obtaining a university degree. It provides a clearer argument than the first body paragraph but could benefit from more specific examples and a more in-depth exploration of ideas.
Conclusion
All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when people evaluate the effects of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that students should have further education after high school. People should have further consideration on this issue.
The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but is somewhat vague and lacks a strong link to the arguments discussed. It emphasizes the need for further consideration, but this point could be more elaborately connected to the essay's content.
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