Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay effectively discusses both views regarding pursuing higher education versus entering the workforce immediately after school. It provides a balanced view and presents a clear opinion in the conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from more in-depth analysis and examples, and there are minor grammatical inaccuracies.
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion. It presents relevant arguments and examples for each perspective but lacks depth in analysis. The conclusion acknowledges both options but could be strengthened by providing a more definitive stance or recommendation.
The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphs discussing each point. There is a logical progression of ideas, and cohesive devices are used effectively. However, transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion could better summarize the main points discussed.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some precise word choices. However, there is room for more varied expressions to enhance the lexical resource. There are no major errors affecting comprehension.
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures, but there are occasional errors in sentence structure and punctuation. These do not significantly impede understanding but do affect the overall grammatical accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Opinions are divided on whether the most effective path to a rewarding career is pursuing higher education or high school graduates should join the workforce straightaway. In this essay, I am going to examine both perspectives and express my view.
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. However, it could benefit from a more engaging opening to capture the reader's interest.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is undeniable that universities and colleges will prepare attendees with academic knowledge regarding their selected major, ensuring that they can effectively solve tasks of their future jobs. Besides, individuals who choose to attend universities can also gain practical skills, including problem-solving, decision-making, and rational thinking, as well as expand their network of relationships. Thus, providing job security as they might be valuable assets of their future companies. Furthermore, employers usually prioritize those who graduate from prestigious schools, so having a degree will offer more job opportunities, significantly boosting employability.
This paragraph presents clear arguments for higher education with relevant examples. However, it could delve deeper into how these skills translate into career success. The paragraph could be improved by explicitly linking the skills gained to specific job roles or industries.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, people who start to work immediately after graduation will earn instant income, meaning that they can be financially independent sooner than their peers who may still have to rely heavily on their parents to cover the tuition fees. Moreover, an early start results in more working experiences, helping individuals stand out in a competitive job market. For instance, jobs that are skill-based, such as content creators or marketers, often highly regard those with several years of hands-on experience rather than just theoretical knowledge.
This paragraph effectively presents the advantages of entering the workforce directly. The example provided is relevant but could be expanded to offer more insight into how practical experience can outweigh academic qualifications in certain fields.
Conclusion
To sum up, in my opinion, each choice has its own advantages and it depends on the person’s goals and career aspirations.
The conclusion restates the main idea but could be more assertive in summarizing the key points discussed. It would benefit from a clearer statement of the writer's personal stance or recommendation.
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