Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task reasonably well, discussing both perspectives and providing a personal opinion. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and development. The structure is clear, but there is room for improvement in coherence, cohesion, lexical range, and grammatical accuracy.
The essay discusses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is relevant to the task. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and there is a lack of depth in exploring the implications of each perspective. The personal opinion is presented but could be more integrated into the discussion.
The essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to each view and the writer's opinion. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, with some attempt to use less common lexical items. However, the vocabulary is generally simple, and there are some inaccuracies, such as 'reliable to employers' instead of 'appealing to employers.' There is room for more varied and precise vocabulary.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and incomplete sentences, such as 'landing a job can build independence, responsibility.' There are also errors in punctuation and sentence structure that affect clarity.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Some people believe that pursuing university or college education is essential for a successful career, whereas others argue that it is better to start working directly after school. This essay will analyse both perspectives and give a personal statement.
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. However, it could be more engaging and provide a clearer thesis statement that indicates the writer's opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, attending university or college provides students with qualifications, which can be reliable to employers. For example, fields like medicine, law, and engineering require a degree. Universities also offer students academic knowledge and important skills such as critical thinking, problem-solving, and teamwork.
This paragraph presents a clear argument for higher education. However, the connection between qualifications and employability could be more explicitly stated. The examples provided are relevant but could be expanded upon to strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, joining the workforce straight after school can provide individuals with practical experience and skills. Many companies now require employees with years of experience. In addition, landing a job can build independence, responsibility.
The paragraph provides a valid argument for entering the workforce directly. However, it lacks depth and specific examples. The sentence about independence and responsibility is incomplete, which affects clarity.
Conclusion
In my own view, whether to study higher education or find a job after school depends on individual expectations and career goals. While university or college can offer a solid foundation of education, gaining practical skills and experience can be equally important. The most effective way to achieve success may be to combine theoretical knowledge with practical experience.
The conclusion restates the writer’s opinion and suggests a balanced approach. However, it could better summarize the main arguments made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the essay’s conclusions.
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