Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion, but lacks depth and development in the arguments presented. The language used is quite basic, and there are issues with grammatical accuracy and coherence.
The essay covers both perspectives and provides a brief opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and there is a lack of specific examples or evidence to support the points made. The conclusion does not clearly state the writer's opinion, leaving it somewhat ambiguous.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, and some sentences are repetitive, which affects the overall coherence. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or clearly present the writer's stance.
The vocabulary used is quite limited and repetitive. There is a lack of variety in word choice, and more advanced vocabulary is needed to convey ideas more effectively. Some phrases are repeated, which reduces the lexical range.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement, plural forms, and sentence structure. There is a tendency to use simple sentence structures, and more complex sentences would improve the grammatical range.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, some people believe that studying at university or college is the best way to have a successful career. But others think it is better to get a job right after school. In this paragraph, I will discuss both views and give my opinion.
The introduction provides a basic overview of the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. It would benefit from a more explicit statement of the writer's opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, I will talk about the advantages of studying at university or college. Studying at university help people to have more knowledge and skills. It will help them to find a better job in the future. Also, if they have a degree, they can have more chance to get high salary. Many companies want to hire people who have university degree. And when students go to university, they can make friends and learn how to work with other people. This is important for their job later.
This paragraph presents some reasons for attending university but lacks depth and specific examples. The arguments could be expanded with more detailed explanations and evidence. The language is quite basic, and there are repetitive sentence structures.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, getting a job after school also have advantages. People can start to earn money early. They don’t have to spend time and money to study at university. They can get experience early and maybe have a good job after some years. Some people don’t have money to pay for university because it is expensive, so they choose to work early. And when they work, they can be more independent and help their family too.
This paragraph outlines some benefits of working after school but remains quite general. The points are not well-developed, and more specific examples would strengthen the argument. There are also grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both studying at university and getting a job after school have advantages and disadvantages. People can choose the way that is good for them.
The conclusion is very general and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed. It also fails to clearly state the writer's opinion or preference, which is important for task completion.
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