Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced discussion of the two views, providing relevant examples and reasoning. However, there are some language issues, such as minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which slightly hinder clarity and coherence. The conclusion summarizes the main points well, but the introduction could be more engaging.
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, supported by relevant examples. However, the discussion of both perspectives could be more detailed, particularly in terms of the potential downsides of each choice. Additionally, the opinion could be more explicitly integrated into the discussion rather than just stated at the end.
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure, but there are some coherence issues due to awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors. The use of linking words is appropriate but could be more varied. Paragraphs are logically ordered, but transitions could be smoother.
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that affect clarity. Some expressions, such as 'ảre' and 'òf,' suggest typographical errors rather than vocabulary issues, but they still affect the overall impression.
The essay contains several minor grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, misplaced modifiers, and awkward phrasing. These errors slightly impede the clarity of the essay. The range of grammatical structures is adequate but could be expanded for higher scores.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Some people think that attending university or college is the best way to have a successful career, while others believe that starting work straight after school is better. Both views have their own reasons, and I will ânlalyze them in this essay.
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. However, it could be more engaging by providing a hook or a more compelling introduction to the topic. The word 'ânlalyze' contains a typographical error.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying at university or college can help people get the skills and qualifications needed for many professions. University provides a curriculum which focuses on essential theoretical knowledge, research and gain practical experience through internships, which can enhance the chances of getting a rewarding career when looking for a job. For instance, jobs in medicine, law, or engineering require specific degrees that can only be obtained through higher education. Furthermore, traditional universities offer a strong academic foundation, leading to higher earning potential as employers often prioritize degrees.
This paragraph effectively presents the argument in favor of university education, with relevant examples. However, the sentence 'University provides a curriculum which focuses on essential theoretical knowledge, research and gain practical experience through internships' is awkwardly phrased and contains a grammatical error. More detailed explanation of how university specifically contributes to career success would strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, some people consider that it is better to enter the workforce immediately after graduation. They argue that practical experience is more important than academic qualifications because there ảre jobs that require skill-based rather than knowledge-based. In many industries, people can learn on the job and improve their skills over time, without a waste òf time if they were obliged to undergo formal training at universities. Moreover, starting work early also allows individuals to earn money and become financially independent so as to assist their family budget.
The second paragraph provides a reasonable discussion of the benefits of entering the workforce directly. The arguments presented are relevant but could be expanded with more specific examples. There are typographical errors with 'ảre' and 'òf,' which should be corrected. The phrase 'without a waste òf time' is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Conclusion
To sum up, both pursuing higher education and being employed after school have their own benefits. University can offer opportunities to many professional careers, while starting work earlier can give someone practical experience and financial independence. However, the best choice depends on personal career goals and circumstances.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a balanced view. It restates the opinion clearly. However, it could be enhanced by briefly summarizing the main arguments in favor of each path before concluding with the opinion.
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