Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, it lacks depth in analysis and some parts are underdeveloped. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, though there are some lapses. Lexical resource is adequate but not very varied, and there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and there is a lack of supporting evidence or examples. The conclusion is brief and does not sufficiently summarize the main points discussed.
The essay is generally organized with a clear structure, but transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt. Paragraphing is used, but the connection between some points could be clearer. The conclusion does not effectively tie together the essay's arguments.
The vocabulary is appropriate and there is some attempt at using less common words, but it lacks variety. There are occasional errors in word choice and word forms that affect precision.
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors, particularly with articles, verb forms, and sentence structures, which sometimes obscure meaning.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, there are lots of people arguing that they should attend university or college to have a higher chance of having a successful career but some said that it's more beneficial to start working immediately after school. This essay will explore both views and point out my opinion.
The introduction presents the topic and states the writer's intention to discuss both views. However, it could be more concise and clearer in presenting the thesis statement.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying at a university or a college will provide better job opportunities than any other method. Many jobs, especially in healthcare, law and education, will always require a degree, which only certified schools could provide, as the most basic qualification. University education can provide necessary skills and knowledge for these jobs. Not just that, enroll in university or college will have a higher earning potential. Studies have shown that, on average, university graduates tend to earn a higher salary than those who didn't. The reason is certain high-paying jobs require a degree. Moreover, personal development could support this side as professionals showed that university is not just about academics, it offers opportunities for personal growth, networking, and decision making, critical thinking and communication skills.
This paragraph outlines the benefits of higher education with some valid points. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or data. Additionally, the paragraph is somewhat disorganized, with ideas not clearly linked together.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, starting work immediately after school will provide you with more work experience than others. Gaining hands-on experience early in life can be valuable. In some industries such as trades, technology, and creative sectors, the value of experience outweighs formal education. Furthermore, diving into a career right after graduation will strengthen your practical skill as some jobs teach practical skills that cannot be gained through traditional education. This can lead to quicker career progress in fields that prioritize skills and experience over degree.
This paragraph presents the benefits of starting work immediately but lacks depth. While it identifies relevant industries, it could be improved by elaborating on how experience directly benefits career progression. The paragraph ends abruptly without a clear closing sentence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the choice depends on the individual and career goals. But in my perspective, we should attend university or college because of their long term benefit.
The conclusion provides a personal opinion but fails to effectively summarize the key points discussed in the essay. It should restate the main arguments of each side before presenting the writer's opinion in a more developed manner.
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