Evaluation for Question #8380

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar

The essay effectively discusses both viewpoints on whether attending university or starting work directly after school is the best path to a successful career. The writer presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant arguments. Improvements can be made in coherence and cohesion, as well as in grammatical accuracy, to achieve a higher band score.

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion with supporting reasons. However, it could benefit from more balanced coverage of both views, as the second perspective seems more detailed and well-explained. Including more specific examples and evidence would also strengthen the task response.

The essay is organized with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow. Linking devices are used, but they could be more varied and precise to improve coherence.

The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with some good examples of topic-specific language. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and less precise word choices. Further expanding the range of vocabulary and ensuring accuracy would enhance the lexical resource score.

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors in sentence construction and punctuation. Improving sentence complexity and focusing on reducing errors would enhance the grammatical accuracy score.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

Some people argue that the best way to one’s successful professional life is attending university or college, while others consider that getting a practical job right after finishing school is a better option. In my view, I would prefer to be a university student and in this essay, I will analyze both ideas and discuss my reasons.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, joining the workforce at a really young age can generate various benefits for both employers and employees. This can give these school-leavers an early start for their career paths, providing potential opportunities to adapt to the job market and develop themselves in skills and experiences. While their peers still need to learn academic knowledge, they have chances to face practical challenges sooner, helping them to become more independent and enhance personal involvement. Additionally, there are jobs that do not require any qualifications or theoretical knowledge, though they demand real experiences and skills. For example, in fields such as sales or marketing, a person with expertise in theories might not have a more successful career than a person who is experienced and skillful. Thus, it can be a waste of time for individuals, whose jobs require practice rather than knowledge-based if they need to undergo any unessential course in higher education.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, pursuing a degree in universities can both be necessary and helpful for some, whose goals are becoming experts and professors in any field and occupations. Universities or colleges, which will supply students with full academic and theoretical lessons, leading them to achieve higher levels of knowledge and even gain an insight into fields that students are studying and oriented. Individuals who study in prestigious universities and colleges will become potential employees for companies, enhancing their opportunities and getting plus points in the job market. Not only knowledge, getting a college degree makes chances for students to make friends, strengthen social bonds and extend their friendship circle. collaboration with peers, seniors and professors enhance their teamwork, communication skills, leadership skills, and generate favourable time for observation, inquiry and motivation. Besides that, there are jobs that highly require a degree and long process of study such as doctor, engineer or scientist. For instance, to become a doctor, students need to achieve bachelor degree and master degree, which take seven years to get. Although their study path can be hard and determined, waiting for them is a potential career path and promising professional life.

Conclusion

The conclusion paragraph is missing.

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