Evaluation for Question #8380

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Your Essay

On the other hand, pursuing a degree in universities can both be necessary and helpful for some, whose goals are becoming experts and professors in any field and occupations. Universities or colleges, which will supply students with full academic and theoretical lessons, leading them to achieve higher levels of knowledge and even gain an insight into fields that students are studying and oriented to. Individuals who study atin prestigious universities and colleges will become potential employees for companies, enhancing their opportunities and getting plus points in the job market. Not only knowledge, getting a college degree makes chances for students to make friends, strengthen social bonds, and extend their friendship circle. Collaborationcollaboration with peers, seniors, and professors enhances their teamwork, communication skills, and leadership skills, and generates favourable time for observation, inquiry, and motivation. Besides that, there are jobs that highly require a degree and a long process of study, such as doctor, engineer, or scientist. For instance, to become a doctor, students need to achieve bachelor degrees and master degrees, which take seven years to get. Although their study path can be hard and determined, waiting for them is a potential career path and promising professional life.
In summary, while getting into the job market right after finishing school can bring practical skills and experiences, the knowledge collected from higher education is still more essential and can increase personal value. For me, pursuing universities and colleges is the shortest and easiest path to success.

You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay attempts to address the task but lacks a clear structure and organization. It focuses mostly on the benefits of higher education, with limited discussion of the opposing view. The language used is simple, with some attempts at complex structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors and issues with cohesion. The range of vocabulary is limited, and there is repetition of ideas.

The essay provides some arguments in favor of university education but does not fully address both views as required by the prompt. There is a lack of balance, with the essay heavily focused on the advantages of higher education and only briefly mentioning the alternative view. The opinion is stated but not well-supported with detailed arguments. More examples and evidence are needed to strengthen the response.

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. Paragraphs are not clearly defined, and there is a lack of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument. The essay needs clearer topic sentences and better structuring to improve coherence. Repetition of ideas and phrases affects cohesion.

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition of key terms. There are attempts to use more advanced vocabulary, but these are often incorrect or inappropriate. The essay would benefit from a wider range of synonyms and more precise word choices to enhance clarity and precision.

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect use of articles, and awkward sentence structures. These errors detract from the overall readability and clarity of the essay. The essay needs to demonstrate more control over complex sentence structures and greater grammatical accuracy.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

On the other hand, pursuing a degree in universities can both be necessary and helpful for some, whose goals are becoming experts and professors in any field and occupations.

The introduction does not clearly introduce the topic or both views as required. It starts abruptly and lacks a clear thesis statement. A more structured introduction with a clear statement of the main points to be discussed would improve the essay.

Body paragraph 1

Universities or colleges, which will supply students with full academic and theoretical lessons, leading them to achieve higher levels of knowledge and even gain an insight into fields that students are studying and oriented to. Individuals who study atin prestigious universities and colleges will become potential employees for companies, enhancing their opportunities and getting plus points in the job market. Not only knowledge, getting a college degree makes chances for students to make friends, strengthen social bonds, and extend their friendship circle. Collaborationcollaboration with peers, seniors, and professors enhances their teamwork, communication skills, and leadership skills, and generates favourable time for observation, inquiry, and motivation. Besides that, there are jobs that highly require a degree and a long process of study, such as doctor, engineer, or scientist. For instance, to become a doctor, students need to achieve bachelor degrees and master degrees, which take seven years to get.

This paragraph presents several points in favor of university education but lacks clear organization and focus. The ideas are not well-developed, and there is repetition. More specific examples and evidence are needed to support the claims. The paragraph also contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Body paragraph 2

Although their study path can be hard and determined, waiting for them is a potential career path and promising professional life.

This sentence appears disconnected from the rest of the essay and does not contribute much to the argument. It should be integrated into a larger discussion or omitted. The essay needs a separate paragraph to discuss the view that favors entering the job market immediately after school.

Conclusion

In summary, while getting into the job market right after finishing school can bring practical skills and experiences, the knowledge collected from higher education is still more essential and can increase personal value. For me, pursuing universities and colleges is the shortest and easiest path to success.

The conclusion attempts to summarize the arguments but is unbalanced, as the essay did not adequately discuss both views. The personal opinion is asserted but lacks supporting arguments. A more balanced conclusion that reflects both sides of the argument would improve the essay.

Evaluation for Question #8380

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN

(+84) 0383-096-717

Evaluation for Question #8380

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN