Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views regarding pursuing higher education versus immediate employment after school. While it addresses the task and provides an opinion, there are areas that require improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy.
The essay effectively discusses both views and provides a clear opinion. However, the opinion could be more explicitly integrated throughout the essay. The essay lacks depth in exploring the disadvantages of each option, which could provide a more balanced argument.
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The conclusion could also be more developed, summarizing the key points discussed.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but some word choices are imprecise or awkward. There is a need for more varied and sophisticated language to convey ideas more effectively.
There are noticeable grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and need to be addressed for a clearer expression of ideas.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, there are lots of people arguing that they should attend university or college to have a higher chance of having a successful career but some said that it's more beneficial to start working immediately after school. This essay will explore both views and point out my opinion.
The introduction sets up the essay's purpose well but could be phrased more clearly. The phrase 'lots of people arguing' is informal, and 'point out my opinion' could be more assertively stated.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying at a university or a college will provide better job opportunities than any other method. Many jobs, especially in healthcare, law and education, will always require a degree, which only certified schools could provide, as the most basic qualification. University education can provide necessary skills and knowledge for these jobs. Not just that, enroll in university or college will have a higher earning potential. Studies have shown that, on average, university graduates tend to earn a higher salary than those who didn't. The reason is certain high-paying jobs require a degree. Moreover, personal development could support this side as professionals showed that university is not just about academics, it offers opportunities for personal growth, networking, and decision making, critical thinking and communication skills.
This paragraph provides relevant points for the benefits of university education. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, and there is a lack of cohesive links between the points. The paragraph could be improved by integrating examples and refining sentence structures.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, starting work immediately after school will provide you with more work experience than others. Gaining hands-on experience early in life can be valuable. In some industries such as trades, technology, and creative sectors, the value of experience outweighs formal education. Furthermore, diving into a career right after graduation will strengthen your practical skill as some jobs teach practical skills that cannot be gained through traditional education. This can lead to quicker career progress in fields that prioritize skills and experience over degree.
The paragraph effectively outlines the advantages of entering the workforce directly. However, similar to the previous paragraph, there is a need for smoother transitions and clearer examples to support the claims. Some phrases could be more precise to enhance clarity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the choice depends on the individual and career goals. But in my perspective, we should attend university or college because of their long term benefit.
The conclusion restates the opinion but is brief and lacks a summary of the main points discussed. It would benefit from a stronger closing argument that reinforces the essay's position.
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