Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents some relevant ideas but lacks clear organization and development. It shows some understanding of the task but does not fully address the question. There are issues with coherence, lexical resource, and grammatical accuracy that hinder the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
The essay attempts to address the task by discussing both the benefits and risks of space exploration. However, the response is not fully developed, and the argumentation lacks depth. The writer only partially agrees and disagrees but does not clearly explain the extent to which they agree or disagree. More specific examples and detailed explanations would improve the task response.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression. Ideas are not clearly linked, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak. The introduction does not clearly state the position, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. Improved paragraph structure and use of cohesive devices are needed.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic but lacks precision and variety in expression. Some vocabulary is used incorrectly, such as 'bring about' and 'sciencetist.' There are attempts to use less common lexical items, but with occasional errors. More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the essay.
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including sentence fragments, run-on sentences, and incorrect verb forms. These errors affect the readability and clarity of the essay. More complex sentence structures are attempted but not always successful. Improved grammatical accuracy and control are needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is sometimes believed that the financial resources invested in the development of technology for exploring the universe are unnecessary, and that these funds could be better spent elsewhere. I partly agree and disagree this issue and I will discuss in this passage
The introduction is unclear and lacks a clear thesis statement. It mentions both agreement and disagreement but does not specify the extent or reasons clearly. It would benefit from a more precise statement of position and a brief outline of the main points to be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
Bring about technological developments that support daily life. For examples such as : GPS and weather forecast. This can be a solution to the current world’s problems such as overpopulation or lack of resources. Space exploration technology can contribute to worldwide address problems through analyzing global warming data, monitoring wildfires, predicting natural disasters, as a result sciencetist have a time to tackle the issues.
This paragraph lacks coherence and clear structure. The ideas are not logically connected, and the topic sentence is missing. There is an attempt to discuss the benefits of space technology, but the explanation is vague and unsupported by specific examples. Improved organization and development of ideas are needed.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover technological developments are a lot of risk. Space missions can be dangerous and there always are chances that the spaceship may face technical issues resulting in losses of lives of astronauts. There can be plenty of risks involved as rockets often need tons of explosive fuel. On January 28, 1986, NASA's space shuttle Challenger exploded just 73 seconds after launch due to a faulty O-ring on the rocket booster. All seven astronauts died, including Christa McAuliffe, the first civilian teacher chosen to fly into space.
This paragraph presents a relevant example but lacks clear connection to the main argument. The risks of space exploration are mentioned, but the paragraph does not effectively link these risks to the overall argument about spending. The paragraph could be improved by more clearly relating the example to the main thesis and providing further explanation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while spending on space technologies has yielded benefits, it is more important to spend amount of money to another recent problem like climate change and education or poverty rates
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but lacks clarity and completeness. It does not effectively restate the main points or position. The conclusion would benefit from a clearer summary of the discussed arguments and a more explicit statement of the writer’s stance on the issue.
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