Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear stance but lacks depth in arguments and examples. The coherence is somewhat affected by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear linkage between ideas. Lexical resources are limited with noticeable errors, and grammatical inaccuracies are frequent, impacting clarity.
The essay clearly presents a position on the topic but does not sufficiently support this view with detailed arguments or examples. The task could be better addressed by developing the points raised more fully and providing specific examples to justify the perspective.
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but transitions between ideas are not smooth, impacting coherence. The linking of ideas within and between paragraphs could be improved to enhance the flow of the essay.
The range of vocabulary is limited, with some inappropriate word choices and collocations (e.g., 'the coin of investment', 'cash in with the suitable amount'). There are also spelling errors ('comsumed'). More precise and varied language would improve the lexical resource.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and article usage. These errors detract from the clarity and accuracy of the essay. Greater grammatical control and complex sentence structures are needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is a common belief that the cost comsumed on improved procedure the universe study is not confirmed. Nevertheless, some people believe that this the coin of investment will be more benefits if used for other purposes. Personally, I completely agree with the concept of investing in aerospace technology.
The introduction presents the topic and the writer's position, but the expression is unclear and contains several grammatical and lexical errors. Clarifying the sentences and reducing errors would improve the introduction.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is true that investing in technology cannot be ignored, they play quite an important role in today's world. For example, funding is needed to explore new lands beyond Earth, its atmosphere, and other planets. In addition, developing other technology platforms such as smartphones and electronic devices helps people upgrade their lives.
The paragraph introduces the importance of technology investment but lacks a clear connection to space exploration. The ideas are not fully developed, and examples are not specific to the task question.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, when the government focuses on investing in infrastructure such as hospitals, medical equipment, and roads, the quality of people's lives will increase significantly. In addition, devoting in education helps children have better learning opportunities and more children will be able to attend school.
This paragraph discusses alternative investments but does not clearly relate them back to the main argument about space exploration. The paragraph could be enhanced by linking these ideas more explicitly to the essay's main focus.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, I truly agree with the view that space exploration should be invested to prosper the economy but it needs cash in with the suitable amount of money to steer clear of the economy wasting.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. A clearer restatement of the main points and position would strengthen the conclusion.
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