Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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4
Overall Band
4
Task Response
4
Coherence
4
Lexical
4
Grammar
The essay attempts to address the task, but it lacks clarity and coherence. The writer's position is not clearly presented, and the arguments are not well-developed. There are numerous grammatical errors and issues with lexical choice, which obscure the meaning. Overall, the essay requires significant improvement in all criteria.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument. However, the writer's position is not clearly stated, and the arguments are not sufficiently developed. The examples provided are vague and not well-explained. The essay needs to provide clearer reasoning and more specific examples to support the arguments.
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not logically organized, and there is a lack of clear progression throughout the essay. The use of linking words is limited and sometimes incorrect, which affects the flow of the essay. Paragraphing is not used effectively to separate different ideas.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are several inaccuracies in word choice that affect meaning. There is an attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary, but it is not always used appropriately. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and article usage. These errors often obscure meaning and make the essay difficult to understand. The essay lacks complex sentence structures and relies heavily on simple sentences.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
While some individuals believe that investing in developing the technology for space mission is unnecessary, there are a wide of method is more beneficial. This is essay, I will discuss both options and I agree that investing in developing the technology for space mission is unnecessary.
The introduction is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The thesis statement is not clearly articulated, and the writer's position is not confidently stated. The sentence structure needs improvement to clarify the essay's intention.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who argue that investing in developing the technology for space mission is necessary. Firstly, there are some technology can help improve human life like satellites, solar panels. These technologies can predict and report to mankind about disaster. Secondly, while the population are increasing, finding another habitats to live is necessity so that investment in technology for space mission is good ideal. This is because, when the technology is more modern, finding the another habitats is easier.
This paragraph presents some ideas but lacks clear development and supporting evidence. The transition between points is not smooth, and there are several grammatical errors. The argument about space technology improving human life is not well-explained or supported.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, in my view that this decision is unnecessary. This is due to the fact that there are many fields should be invested such as healthcare or education. Moreover, investment in technology is waste of money because they must use a lot of energy and fuel. In addition, the space ship or satellites will be more launched in the space lead to increasing the risk of pollution on the earth.
The writer's view is presented here, but the arguments are not well-developed. The paragraph lacks specific examples and clear explanations of why investment in other fields is more beneficial. The point about pollution is not clearly linked to the overall argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while spending on technology for space exploration have some benefit such as improve human life and finding the another habitats is easier, I will agree that there are more beneficial ways to spend this money instead of investment in the technology like waste of money, increasing the risk of pollution on the earth
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The writer's position is not confidently restated, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. It needs to be more concise and clearer.
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