Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, providing both sides of the argument. However, it lacks depth in the argumentation and could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration. The language used is generally appropriate, though there are some grammatical errors and awkward expressions. Overall coherence and cohesion are maintained, but the essay could be improved with clearer transitions and more development of ideas.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the expenditure on space exploration. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the conclusion does not strongly restate the writer's position. The essay could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the arguments presented.
The essay is generally coherent, with a clear structure consisting of an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between ideas are sometimes weak, and the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better cohesion.
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with some attempts at using more advanced words and phrases. However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, and the range of vocabulary could be expanded to enhance the essay.
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors, including verb tense issues and subject-verb agreement problems. Improving grammatical accuracy would increase the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Some individuals argue that the financial resources covering the costs of space research is unrealistic. Although this idea is valid to some extent, I disagree with this proposition; paying equally to all fields is better than just paying attention to the technology for space exploration.
The introduction presents the topic and states the writer's position, but the sentence structure is slightly awkward. It could be more direct in establishing the main argument of the essay.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many people think that focusing on space missions lacks practical benefits and is too expensive. Initially, there are other more pressing issues on Earth that require attention such as education, health care and poverty. If the government funds these areas, the quality of lives of its residents would improve, leading to a better, more healthy and vigorous nation. Moreover, there are uncertainties in the research process. Space programs often require decades of research and colossal sums of money to carry on. Given these resources, the success of such campaigns are unwarranted due to the complexity and mystery of the universe. Therefore, the fund invested in research programs for space expeditions could be a significant waste of human resources and financial resources.
The paragraph outlines reasons why some believe space exploration is not justified. It could be strengthened by providing specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. Additionally, there are grammatical errors that need attention.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, developing the technology for space exploration brings many merits for that country. First of all, the investments on space programs are justifiable. This can bring about technological developments and innovations that support daily life. For instance, GPS - navigation apps, weather forecast, satellite leads to communication technology; all of this can be a solution to current world’s problems such as over population, resources. Besides that if scientists can find a habitable planet, it could open up possibilities for mankind to migrate to that planet where resources are plentiful, unlike in the Earth. Furthermore, this helps solve global environmental problems. Space exploration technology can contribute to address problems through analyzing global warming data, monitoring wildfives, and predicting natural disasters. Satellites from orbit can monitor and track natural activities on Earth.
The paragraph provides reasons supporting space exploration, but it could be more logically organized, with clearer transitions between ideas. Some points are not fully developed, and there are grammatical errors and awkward expressions that detract from the clarity of the argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while I disagree with this proposition, distributing resources evenly across various areas of research is preferable to solely concentrating on space exploration technology.
The conclusion restates the writer's position but is somewhat abrupt and lacks a strong summary of the main points discussed in the essay. It could be improved by providing a more comprehensive restatement of the essay's arguments.
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