Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task but lacks clarity and well-structured argumentation. The writer presents a mixed stance, initially agreeing with the view that space exploration funding is unjustified but then highlighting benefits of space technology. The essay needs better coherence and clearer argumentation to effectively convey the writer's perspective.
The essay attempts to address the task by discussing both sides of the issue. However, the writer's position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The argument lacks depth, and the examples provided are not fully developed or clearly linked to the main argument. More specific examples and a clearer stance would improve the task response.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. The writer shifts between different points without adequate transitions, leading to a somewhat disjointed read. Better use of cohesive devices and clearer paragraphing would enhance coherence and cohesion.
The lexical resource is adequate but limited. The vocabulary is mostly appropriate, but there is repetition and some awkward phrasing. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise language use would improve this aspect of the essay.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, punctuation, and subject-verb agreement. Grammatical accuracy and range need improvement to enhance clarity and readability.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Many people believe that the investment in upgrading the technology for space research is impractical. There are more options to cover the cost. In my perspective, I agree with this statement.
The introduction presents the issue but lacks a clear thesis statement. The writer's perspective is mentioned but not well-defined, leading to ambiguity in the stance.
Body paragraph 1
Initially, space missions have contributed a wide range of innovations that support human daily life. For example, the GPS for people to navigate the direction, the weather forecast for farmer to cultivate in the most efficient ways, or even the satellites which play a significant role in communication technology.
The paragraph discusses benefits of space technology but lacks coherence. The examples are not fully explained, and their relevance to the argument is not clear. The paragraph should focus on a single idea and develop it with clear examples.
Body paragraph 2
This factor can be a solution to current’s world problem such as overpopulation and resources depletion. If scientists can find a habitable planet, it could open up possibilities for mankind to migrate to that plentiful planet.Moreover, space exploration technology can contribute to address problems through analyzing data, monitoring wildfires, predicting natural disasters. This means that the satellite above the atmosphere from the orbit can monitor and track the natural activities on Earth. Furthermore, there are other more pressing issues on Earth that require attention such as education, healthcare and poverty. If the government fund these areas, the life quality would improve, leading to a better and vigorous nation. Not only that, space programs often require decades of research and colossal sums of money to carry on. However, the success of such campaigns is also unwarranted due to the complexity and mystery of the universe.
This paragraph is overly complex and tries to cover too many ideas at once. The connection between the ideas is weak, leading to confusion. The paragraph should be divided into smaller sections, each focusing on a distinct point with relevant examples and analysis.
Conclusion
In conclusion, It is true that spending money developing the technology for space missions is unrealistic because there are other more pressing issues that need financial resources such as education or healthcare. However, space missions can help people solve the overpopulation problems and assist mankind to deal with natural disasters.
The conclusion restates the initial stance but contradicts itself by acknowledging the benefits of space missions. A clearer summary of the main points and a consistent stance should be presented. The conclusion should align with the arguments made in the body paragraphs.
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