Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, the task response could be more coherent and consistent. The essay lacks clear organization in some parts and there are issues with grammatical range and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear standpoint. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view and deeper exploration of the counter-arguments. The arguments could be better organized and more clearly linked to the main point.
The essay uses basic linking devices, but the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear in places. Some points seem disjointed, and the transition between ideas could be smoother. More cohesive devices could be used to improve the flow of the essay.
The range of vocabulary is adequate to convey the main ideas, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions. There is a need for more precise and varied lexical choices to enhance clarity and expression.
There are several grammatical errors, including issues with verb forms, articles, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and affect the clarity of the arguments. More complex sentence structures could be used to improve the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Many people believe that the investment in upgrading the technology for space research is impractical. There are more options to cover the cost. In my perspective, I agree with this statement.
The introduction presents a clear position, but it lacks a strong thesis statement. The ideas could be more clearly linked to the question, and the introduction could be more engaging.
Body paragraph 1
Initially, space missions have contributed a wide range of innovations that support human daily life. For example, the GPS for people to navigate the direction, the weather forecast for farmer to cultivate in the most efficient ways, or even the satellites which play a significant role in communication technology. This factor can be a solution to current’s world problem such as overpopulation and resources depletion. If scientists can find a habitable planet, it could open up possibilities for mankind to migrate to that plentiful planet.
The paragraph introduces relevant points but lacks coherence. The examples are relevant but not well integrated into the argument. The point about finding a habitable planet is speculative and needs further development to be convincing.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover, space exploration technology can contribute to address problems through analyzing data, monitoring wildfires, predicting natural disasters. This means that the satellite above the atmosphere from the orbit can monitor and track the natural activities on Earth. Furthermore, there are other more pressing issues on Earth that require attention such as education, healthcare and poverty. If the government fund these areas, the life quality would improve, leading to a better and vigorous nation. Not only that, space programs often require decades of research and colossal sums of money to carry on. However, the success of such campaigns is also unwarranted due to the complexity and mystery of the universe.
This paragraph is somewhat disjointed and tries to cover too many points. The transition between the benefits of space technology and the argument about other pressing issues is not smooth. The paragraph would benefit from better organization and clearer focus.
Conclusion
In conclusion, It is true that spending money developing the technology for space missions is unrealistic because there are other more pressing issues that need financial resources such as education or healthcare. However, space missions can help people solve the overpopulation problems and assist mankind to deal with natural disasters.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but lacks a strong closing statement. It could be more concise and provide a clearer synthesis of the arguments presented.
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