Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task but lacks clarity and coherence in presenting arguments. The ideas are not well-developed, and the language used is often inaccurate. There are issues with grammar, vocabulary, and the organization of ideas.
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument. However, the position is not clearly stated, and the arguments are not well-developed or supported by evidence. More specific examples and elaboration on the points would strengthen the response.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. There are abrupt transitions between ideas, and the paragraphs do not flow well. The introduction and conclusion are not effectively linked to the main body paragraphs.
The essay shows limited range of vocabulary with several inaccuracies ('comsumed,' 'confirmed,' 'the coin of investment'). There is a need for more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas more clearly and accurately.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect word forms, subject-verb agreement errors, and awkward sentence structures. These issues hinder the clarity and readability of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is a common belief that the cost comsumed on improved procedure the universe study is not confirmed. Nevertheless, some people believe that this the coin of investment will be more benefits if used for other purposes. Personally, I completely agree with the concept of investing in aerospace technology.
The introduction attempts to introduce the topic but contains unclear phrases and grammatical errors. The writer's position is not clearly stated, and the thesis statement is weak.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is true that investing in technology cannot be ignored, they play quite an important role in today's world. For example, funding is needed to explore new lands beyond Earth, its atmosphere, and other planets. In addition, developing other technology platforms such as smartphones and electronic devices helps people upgrade their lives.
This paragraph introduces some ideas about the importance of technology but lacks clear focus and development. The connection between space exploration and other technology platforms is not well-explained.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, when the government focuses on investing in infrastructure such as hospitals, medical equipment, and roads, the quality of people's lives will increase significantly. In addition, devoting in education helps children have better learning opportunities and more children will be able to attend school.
This paragraph presents an opposing view but is not well-integrated with the rest of the essay. The ideas are not clearly linked to the main topic of space exploration, and there is a lack of development and examples.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, I truly agree with the view that space exploration should be invested to prosper the economy but it needs cash in with the suitable amount of money to steer clear of the economy wasting.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the writer's position but is vague and lacks clarity. The language is awkward, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize or reinforce the main points of the essay.
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