Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?
Question
Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the question but lacks depth in analysis and clarity in presentation. There are issues with grammatical accuracy, coherence, and cohesion. The vocabulary is limited, and there are repetitive phrases and ideas.
The essay attempts to address the reasons and effects of the declining interest in science subjects at university. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some points lack supporting evidence. The essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the reasons and effects discussed.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. There are abrupt transitions between points, and the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent. The essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing and improved linking of ideas.
The vocabulary is limited, and there is some repetition of phrases. There are also several inappropriate word choices, which affect the clarity of the essay. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions would strengthen the essay.
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect tense usage, and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder the clarity and readability of the essay. Improved grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures are needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?
Introduction
In recent years, science has become a less popular subject in university in most countries. Some people says that this is because the difficulty of these science subjects. While the others believe that this problem can reduce the economic or the number of scientist in the long run.
The introduction introduces the topic but lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. The thesis statement is not clearly presented, and the sentence structure is awkward. It could be improved by clearly stating the reasons and effects that will be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, science subjects are often considered more challenging than other fields. This is because these subjects require lots of memorizations of formulas, theories, principles and understanding of complex and abstract concepts. This perception discourages students from choosing a career in such fields, leading to a decline in the number of science students. Besides, The way science subjects are taught often lacks interest. This may happen due to the uninspiring teaching method of teaching staff and the lack of facilities in many countries. Science subjects are often taught in a theory-based manner/way without engaging activities or experiments, which can make students feel bored and difficult. For example, in Vietnam, many schools do not have fully equipped science laboratories, making it hard for students to have a chance to learn in a realistic way.
The paragraph discusses reasons for declining interest in science but lacks coherence. Ideas are not well-organized, and there are repetitive phrases. The example provided is relevant but not fully integrated into the argument. Clearer transitions and more varied sentence structures would improve readability.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hands, difficult to have a high salary after graduation and effects on economic are also the problem in society. This is because this field is hard to find job. The average salary of freshly graduated science students ranges around 10-15 million VND per month while this figure for other majors is much higher. Compare with other fields like influencer, content creator,… science’s job also make less money than the others. Moreover, it can get some struggle like lack of workers, science-relate professionals,... This happens because many industries, including engineering, construction, technology rely on highly trained professionals. If fewer students study science, there will be a shortage of skilled workers in these fields, which makes it challenging for the development of such areas. This can lead to the increased reliance on foreign talents, costing the economy a significant amount of money.
The paragraph attempts to discuss the effects on society but is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The comparison with other professions is not well-developed, and the paragraph lacks coherence. There is a need for clearer expression and logical progression of ideas.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion paragraph. A conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and provide a final perspective on the topic. Including a conclusion would improve the overall structure of the essay.
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