Evaluation for Question #8580

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Question

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Your Essay

The decline in students applying for science major in university is a
matter of concern in many countries these days. In this essay, we will
analyze the contributing factors of this issue and its impacts on society.
There are several reasons that lead to the insufficients of enrollments
in science subjects. One of the main reasons students avoid science-
related major is the difficulty in interpreting. Subjects like physics,
chemistry, and mathematics are often more challenging than other fields.
They require logical thinking, problem-solving skills, and extreme learing
effort and also not all of students have talent on those subjects to find it
interesting. Another factor is the lack of opportunities in science career.
Many young people are often attracted to business careers than
scientific carreers mostly because of the income. It’s the fact that
students who study science major are more difficult to make money and
have a high salary after graduation than others. So that, for people who
want to find a stable job and career advancement opportunities, science
subjects is not a priority.
The decline in science graduates has significant consequences for
society. One major effect is a shortage of skilled professionals in crucial
fields relate to science such as healthcare, engineering, and scientific
research. Without enough trained experts, countries may struggle to
address pressing issues like concerns regarding health, environmental
sustainability, and technological growth. It will also lead to national
instability and other problems. Another sonsequence is the slow down of
new innovations and discoveries. Scientific research drives technological
progress, and without a strong workforce of scientists and engineers,
advancements in fields such as artificial intelligence, space exploration,
and medicine may be delayed. This can lead to difficulty in researching
drugs to treat dangerous infectious diseases and thus lead to the low
growth in social and economic in many countries.
Governments, educational institutions, and society must work together to
promote science education. Schools should improve the way science is
taught by making it more engaging and practical. Scholarships and
financial support should be provided to make science majors more

essential and fundamental for students. By addressing these challenges,
we can also solve many problems in society and the country will develop
more and more in all aspects.

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5.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in the analysis of reasons and effects. Ideas are presented, but the essay struggles with coherence and cohesion. There are noticeable issues with grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure that detract from the clarity of the argument.

The essay identifies some reasons for the decline in science enrollments and mentions several effects on society. However, the analysis is superficial, and there is room for a more comprehensive exploration of both aspects. Some points, such as the lack of opportunities in science careers, could be expanded with specific examples or further explanation.

While ideas are presented in a logical order, the essay lacks clear topic sentences and smooth transitions between points. There are abrupt shifts in ideas, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a strong closing statement.

The vocabulary is limited and repetitive. There are some attempts to use less common lexical items, but inaccuracies are present. Words like 'insufficients' and 'sonsequence' indicate spelling issues, and phrases such as 'extreme learing effort' show a lack of precision.

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that affect comprehension, such as subject-verb agreement mistakes, incorrect word forms, and sentence fragments. There is a limited range of sentence structures, with many simple and compound sentences but few complex ones.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Introduction

The introduction clearly states the topic and purpose of the essay. However, it could be more engaging and concise. Avoid using 'we' in formal academic writing.

Body paragraph 1

There are several reasons that lead to the insufficients of enrollments in science subjects. One of the main reasons students avoid science-related major is the difficulty in interpreting. Subjects like physics, chemistry, and mathematics are often more challenging than other fields. They require logical thinking, problem-solving skills, and extreme learing effort and also not all of students have talent on those subjects to find it interesting. Another factor is the lack of opportunities in science career. Many young people are often attracted to business careers than scientific carreers mostly because of the income. It’s the fact that students who study science major are more difficult to make money and have a high salary after graduation than others. So that, for people who want to find a stable job and career advancement opportunities, science subjects is not a priority.

This paragraph presents relevant reasons but lacks depth and clear examples. The argument about income could be supported with data or more detailed explanation. Grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'insufficients of enrollments' and 'extreme learing effort,' weaken the clarity.

Body paragraph 2

The decline in science graduates has significant consequences for society. One major effect is a shortage of skilled professionals in crucial fields relate to science such as healthcare, engineering, and scientific research. Without enough trained experts, countries may struggle to address pressing issues like concerns regarding health, environmental sustainability, and technological growth. It will also lead to national instability and other problems. Another sonsequence is the slow down of new innovations and discoveries. Scientific research drives technological progress, and without a strong workforce of scientists and engineers, advancements in fields such as artificial intelligence, space exploration, and medicine may be delayed. This can lead to difficulty in researching drugs to treat dangerous infectious diseases and thus lead to the low growth in social and economic in many countries.

The paragraph outlines potential effects of the decline in science graduates but lacks detailed discussion. The ideas are relevant but could be expanded with specific examples or cases. There are issues with grammar and word choice, such as 'relate to science' and 'sonsequence,' that need correction.

Conclusion

Governments, educational institutions, and society must work together to promote science education. Schools should improve the way science is taught by making it more engaging and practical. Scholarships and financial support should be provided to make science majors more essential and fundamental for students. By addressing these challenges, we can also solve many problems in society and the country will develop more and more in all aspects.

The conclusion offers some solutions but lacks a clear summary of the essay’s main points. The final sentence is somewhat vague. More emphasis could be placed on the importance of addressing the issue and the potential positive outcomes.

Evaluation for Question #8580

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8580

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN