Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?
Question
Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a clear response to the task, discussing reasons why students might avoid science subjects and the societal effects of this trend. However, it could benefit from more detailed examples and a stronger linkage between ideas. The vocabulary used is adequate, but the range is limited, and there are some grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity.
The essay addresses both parts of the question by providing reasons for the decline in science subject enrollment and its effects on society. However, the reasons provided are somewhat generalized and could be supported with more specific examples or data. Additionally, the essay could explore more varied effects on society beyond the shortage of professionals.
The essay is logically organized and paragraphs are used effectively to separate ideas. However, transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and there is occasional repetition of ideas without further development or elaboration. Improved use of linking words would enhance the overall flow.
The vocabulary is appropriate for the task and generally clear, but it lacks variety and precision. Some phrases are repeated, and there is limited use of advanced vocabulary. Expanding the range of expressions and using more specific terminology related to science education and societal impacts would improve the score.
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are errors that occasionally obscure meaning. For instance, sentence fragments and incorrect punctuation are present. Greater accuracy in sentence structure and grammar forms would enhance clarity and coherence.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?
Introduction
While students were eager to pursue science education in universities in the eighties and earlier, this trend has changed markedly in recent decades. In fact, many of them tend to choose non-science subjects in their curricula. This essay will first explore the reasons for this, and then suggest the implications for society.
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. It effectively sets the context for the reader but could be more engaging with a specific example or statistic to highlight the change in trend.
Body paragraph 1
Science has always been considered the driving force of human development. Without some basic subjects such as mathematics or medicine, we would not be able to reach the level of comfort we live in. Despite this obvious fact, unfortunately, science subjects are still neglected by university students. The first reason for this is the difficulty of studying science. Indeed, many young people are afraid of failing exams and avoid difficult subjects in university.Furthermore, young people today are more interested in making money than doing what they really like, due to the influence of social media. For example, the number of medical students has never been lower than it is today in developed countries
This paragraph provides reasons for the decline in science subject enrollment, but it lacks depth. The explanation of reasons is somewhat superficial and would benefit from more detailed support. The example given is vague and not fully developed.
Body paragraph 2
However, this phenomenon has negative impacts on society. Indeed, countries around the world are suffering from shortages of engineers, doctors, and many other scientific professionals. The lack of staff in strategic sectors such as industry and health care is a real disaster in terms of national productivity and slowing down human development. For example, in France, hospitals are suffering from a shortage of doctors, especially in emergency services, which can have dire consequences for patients who need urgent assistance.
The paragraph effectively outlines the societal impacts of the trend, using the example of France to illustrate the point. However, it could be improved by discussing a wider range of effects and providing more specific data or examples to support the claims.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the difficulty of scientific research and the financial problems associated with the work involved are the main reasons for the above mentioned problem while the consequence for society is a shortage of staff in some strategic areas, leading to stagnation in general development.
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay. However, it does not introduce any new insight or a call to action. It could be strengthened by suggesting potential solutions or recommendations to address the decline in science subject enrollment.
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