Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in analysis and argumentation. The ideas are presented but not developed thoroughly. There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward expressions that affect clarity. The structure is present but could be improved for better coherence.
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides an opinion. However, the discussion lacks depth and specific evidence to support the arguments. The opinion is not clearly stated in a separate statement, leading to some confusion about the writer's stance.
The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas within paragraphs are not well-connected, and transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt. Improved linking words and phrases could enhance coherence.
The lexical resource is limited and repetitive. There are attempts to use some topic-specific vocabulary, but incorrect word forms and awkward collocations detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, sentence fragments, and subject-verb agreement mistakes. These errors interfere with the readability of the text and obscure meaning at times.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
In recent years, directors of businesses tend to be prioritized for higher incomes than general staffs, while several workers believe that high revenue is associated with high responsibility of leaders, others argue that every workers deserve equal salaries. Personally, I partially agree with both side of this payment differences, this essay will elaborate and provide specific evidence.
The introduction attempts to introduce the topic and present the writer's opinion. However, it is somewhat confusing and lacks a clear thesis statement. The sentence structure is awkward, and there are grammatical errors.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the compensation is extraordinary in many companies when the executives bound to gain higher incomes than others. For instance, CEO of Fortune 500 companies often make headlines about receiving high salaries and huge benefit packages, including bonuses and company shares. Critics argue that although administrators do not dedicate hundreds of times more efforts for their work, they still acquire significant salaries, all full time employees, on the contrary, have to work similar hours which is around 8 hours or even longer per day. As a result, this issue might create an unequal work environment, not deeming effort and time commitment.
This paragraph presents one side of the argument but lacks depth. The examples provided are not fully developed, and the transition between ideas is abrupt. Some sentences are overly complex, leading to confusion.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, personnels holding leadership positions is likely to take more responsibility for operating company, which is crucial for organizational success. Particularly, directors are in charge of drawing investment from other enterpises and representing company to sign partnership agreements with them, which is essential to decide whether their bussineses will be successful or not. In addition, high payment for leaders will motivate employees and attract more skilled staffs. To illustrate, high pay means that hard work and dedication are rewarded, inspiring workers to perform better and work stably with company. Moreover, competitive salaries attract more skilled professionals, increasing the workforce's quality for success.
This paragraph provides the opposing view but is also lacking in detailed analysis. There are some valid points, but they are not fully supported with evidence or examples. Grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from clarity.
Conclusion
In short, it should be acknowledged that workers should gain different degrees of incomes based on their contribution and abilities instead of preferential treatment for specific positions, this will contribute to the development of the company where any workers receive fairness.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but introduces new ideas, which should be avoided. The sentence structure is complex and unclear, and there are grammatical errors present.
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