Evaluation for Question #8582

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

In recent years, people that hold important positions in big companies are much higher than normal employees. Many individuals think that is necessary but the other thing is inequality . I will discuss both view and give my perspective.
    On the one hand, it is true that people holding important positions do not spend much effort in time like common employees. In equality in our organization’s structure. They do not work really hard, but they definitely have the ideas and have the professional competence to boost the companies, economies and control the organization. Most people with high positions have high skill and always make risky decisions to have the company improve. So many companies decide to hire people with really good skill in that discipline or field, they have more potential to run the business and then people are just trying to work hard.
    On the other hand, more low positions or common employees are not good at making risky decisions or they don’t have much potential to boost the companies’ economies. With their effort, they can keep the organization on flow and keep it balanced. In some cases, managers earn hundreds of times more than their employees, which can cause resentment and lower morale. However, many employees still try to contribute their best to the company despite such a difference in salary.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay presents some relevant ideas but lacks clarity, coherence, and depth in discussing both views. The arguments are not well-developed, and the opinion is not clearly stated. There are grammar and vocabulary issues that affect readability.

The essay addresses the task by presenting both views on the topic. However, the arguments are not sufficiently developed, and the discussion lacks depth. The opinion is not clearly stated, and there is no conclusion paragraph to summarize the discussion and provide a personal viewpoint.

The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow. Ideas are not well-organized, and there is a lack of clear linking between sentences and paragraphs. The introduction is not effective, and there is no conclusion. Cohesion devices are used inadequately.

The vocabulary is limited and repetitive. There are some attempts to use less common lexical items, but they are often used incorrectly. There are also several spelling and word choice errors that affect communication.

There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, sentence fragments, and awkward sentence structures. These errors impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. There is limited range in grammatical structures.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction is unclear and contains grammatical errors. It does not effectively introduce the topic or outline the structure of the essay. The thesis statement is vague and lacks clarity.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, it is true that people holding important positions do not spend much effort in time like common employees. In equality in our organization’s structure. They do not work really hard, but they definitely have the ideas and have the professional competence to boost the companies, economies and control the organization. Most people with high positions have high skill and always make risky decisions to have the company improve. So many companies decide to hire people with really good skill in that discipline or field, they have more potential to run the business and then people are just trying to work hard.

This paragraph presents the view that higher salaries for directors are necessary. However, it contains many grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that make it difficult to understand. The argument is not well-supported with examples or evidence.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, more low positions or common employees are not good at making risky decisions or they don’t have much potential to boost the companies’ economies. With their effort, they can keep the organization on flow and keep it balanced. In some cases, managers earn hundreds of times more than their employees, which can cause resentment and lower morale. However, many employees still try to contribute their best to the company despite such a difference in salary.

This paragraph presents the opposing view that high salaries for directors are unfair. The paragraph is more coherent than the first, but it still lacks depth and examples. The argument about employee morale is relevant but needs further development.

Conclusion

There is no conclusion paragraph. A conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and clearly state the writer's opinion on the issue.

Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN