Evaluation for Question #8582

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

In recent years, directors of businesses tend to be prioritized for higher incomes than general staffs, while several workers believe that high revenue is associated with high responsibility of leaders, others argue that every workers deserve equal salaries. Personally, I partially agree with both side of this payment differences, this essay will elaborate and provide specific evidence.
  On the one hand, the compensation is extraordinary in many companies when the executives bound to gain higher incomes than others. For instance, CEO of Fortune 500 companies often make headlines about receiving high salaries and huge benefit packages, including bonuses and company shares. Critics argue that although administrators do not dedicate hundreds of times more efforts for their work, they still acquire significant salaries, all full time employees, on the contrary, have to work similar hours which is around 8 hours or even longer per day. As a result, this issue might create an unequal work environment, not deeming effort and time commitment.
 On the other hand, personnels holding leadership positions is likely to take more responsibility for operating company, which is crucial for organizational success. Particularly, directors are in charge of drawing investment from other enterpises and representing company to sign partnership agreements with them, which is essential to decide whether their bussineses will be successful or not. In addition, high payment for leaders will motivate employees and attract more skilled staffs. To illustrate, high pay means that hard work and dedication are rewarded, inspiring workers to perform better and work stably with company. Moreover, competitive salaries attract more skilled professionals, increasing the workforce's quality for success.
In short, it should be acknowledged that workers should gain different degrees of incomes based on their contribution and abilities instead of preferential treatment for specific positions, this will contribute to the development of the company where any workers receive fairness.

You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses both views of the argument but lacks a clear, consistent stance throughout. While the writer provides some relevant examples and arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence, cohesion, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy. The essay would benefit from clearer organization and a more precise articulation of ideas.

The essay discusses both views on the topic and attempts to provide an opinion. However, the opinion is not clearly articulated, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the writer's stance. There is a lack of depth in the argumentation, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples and a clearer thesis statement.

The essay is logically organized with separate paragraphs for different points of view. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the argumentation could be more cohesive. The conclusion does not effectively tie together the main points discussed in the essay.

The vocabulary used is appropriate but lacks variety and precision. There are some errors in word choice and collocations, such as 'high revenue' instead of 'high income' or 'salary,' and 'bussineses' instead of 'businesses.' Improved lexical resource could enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the essay.

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and reduce the overall effectiveness of the essay. More attention to grammatical accuracy would improve the clarity and fluidity of the writing.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction attempts to outline the topic and present an opinion, but it is unclear and grammatically flawed. The thesis statement is vague, and the grammar mistakes detract from the clarity of the introduction. A more precise and error-free introduction would set a better foundation for the essay.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, the compensation is extraordinary in many companies when the executives bound to gain higher incomes than others. For instance, CEO of Fortune 500 companies often make headlines about receiving high salaries and huge benefit packages, including bonuses and company shares. Critics argue that although administrators do not dedicate hundreds of times more efforts for their work, they still acquire significant salaries, all full time employees, on the contrary, have to work similar hours which is around 8 hours or even longer per day. As a result, this issue might create an unequal work environment, not deeming effort and time commitment.

This paragraph addresses one side of the issue by highlighting the disparity in compensation. However, the argument lacks depth, and the examples provided are too general. The paragraph could be strengthened by more specific evidence and clearer articulation of the argument.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, personnels holding leadership positions is likely to take more responsibility for operating company, which is crucial for organizational success. Particularly, directors are in charge of drawing investment from other enterpises and representing company to sign partnership agreements with them, which is essential to decide whether their bussineses will be successful or not. In addition, high payment for leaders will motivate employees and attract more skilled staffs. To illustrate, high pay means that hard work and dedication are rewarded, inspiring workers to perform better and work stably with company. Moreover, competitive salaries attract more skilled professionals, increasing the workforce's quality for success.

This paragraph provides arguments for why directors might deserve higher salaries. However, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, the paragraph could benefit from more specific examples and clearer connections between ideas.

Conclusion

In short, it should be acknowledged that workers should gain different degrees of incomes based on their contribution and abilities instead of preferential treatment for specific positions, this will contribute to the development of the company where any workers receive fairness.

The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but does not clearly articulate the writer's opinion or effectively synthesize the main points. The sentence structure is awkward, and the conclusion could be more impactful with a clearer restatement of the writer's stance and a more coherent summary of the arguments presented.

Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN

(+84) 0383-096-717

Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN