Evaluation for Question #8582

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

Nowadays, it is becoming popular about people who play the leadership roles should receive better wages than other employees. While some deem to an essence of doing business, this is unfair to the others. In this essay, I strongly agree that big companies should pay large amount of salaries to the directors, I will analyze both sides and present my opinion.
On the other hand, the compensation gap is staggering between the leaders and employees. This is unfair to some who have lower salaries. For instance, CEOs of 500 Fortune can receive large amount of salaries with a huge benefit packages while others just receive an amount at the modest sum at around 15 to 20 US dollars. This is unrealistic because top executives do not spend all their time for working, they just spend their time at work the same as the employees or even less at about 8 hours per day. If they’re productive, maybe they could work up to 12 to 13 hours in a limit 24 hours but it’s not worth to considering pay them a much larger amount of salaries than other workers.
On the other hand, that is crucial to maintain the organizational successful, also it represent the responsibility of the leaders through wages. There is no doubt that the CEOs have to take care and have the responsibility for the company’s success or failure, directors even use their own money to invest in the company shares and stocks. Besides, executives need to handle a lot of heavy and difficult job such as deal with another company about the compromise or take care of all the human resources stuff. Therefore, high pays always come with good qualifications, highly skilled professional and their ability to be the leadership so other workers can look after them to rise up to that position and receive the amount of salaries they want.
In conclusion, I personally think that the executives deserve high salaries for what they’ve been worked hard to fight for. Other employees should be productive at work to thrive to higher position to receive their dream wages rather than keep complaining that this is unfair.

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5.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay presents a discussion on the topic, highlighting both views regarding the disparity in salaries between directors and ordinary employees. The writer provides a personal opinion in favor of higher salaries for directors. However, the essay lacks clear organization, and the arguments are not well-developed or supported with strong evidence. There are noticeable errors in grammar and coherence, which affect the overall clarity of the essay.

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the arguments are not sufficiently developed, and there is a lack of supporting evidence and examples to strengthen the points made. The essay tends to be repetitive and does not fully explore the implications of each viewpoint.

The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the ideas within paragraphs are not always logically connected. There is some repetition of ideas, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Cohesion devices are used but are not always effective in linking ideas clearly.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, and there is an attempt to use less common lexical items. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choice that affect precision. Further improvement in vocabulary usage would enhance clarity and expression.

There are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with sentence structure, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement. These errors detract from the readability of the essay. Greater grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures are needed for a higher score.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction attempts to present the topic and the writer's opinion. However, it lacks clarity and contains awkward phrasing. The thesis statement is present but could be more concise and clear.

Body paragraph 1

On the other hand, the compensation gap is staggering between the leaders and employees. This is unfair to some who have lower salaries. For instance, CEOs of 500 Fortune can receive large amount of salaries with a huge benefit packages while others just receive an amount at the modest sum at around 15 to 20 US dollars. This is unrealistic because top executives do not spend all their time for working, they just spend their time at work the same as the employees or even less at about 8 hours per day. If they’re productive, maybe they could work up to 12 to 13 hours in a limit 24 hours but it’s not worth to considering pay them a much larger amount of salaries than other workers.

This paragraph attempts to present the view that high salaries for directors are unfair. However, the argument lacks depth and clear evidence. The example provided is generic and not well-explained. Some sentences are confusing due to grammatical errors.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, that is crucial to maintain the organizational successful, also it represent the responsibility of the leaders through wages. There is no doubt that the CEOs have to take care and have the responsibility for the company’s success or failure, directors even use their own money to invest in the company shares and stocks. Besides, executives need to handle a lot of heavy and difficult job such as deal with another company about the compromise or take care of all the human resources stuff. Therefore, high pays always come with good qualifications, highly skilled professional and their ability to be the leadership so other workers can look after them to rise up to that position and receive the amount of salaries they want.

This paragraph discusses the justification for high salaries, but the argument is not well-structured. There is an attempt to list responsibilities of directors, but the explanation is vague and lacks coherence. The paragraph would benefit from clearer organization and stronger supporting examples.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I personally think that the executives deserve high salaries for what they’ve been worked hard to fight for. Other employees should be productive at work to thrive to higher position to receive their dream wages rather than keep complaining that this is unfair.

The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but does not effectively summarize the key points of the essay. The language used is informal and lacks the sophistication expected at this level. Further elaboration on the implications of the writer's stance would strengthen the conclusion.

Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN