Evaluation for Question #8582

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

Nowadays, it is true that leaders of big businesses earn much higher wages than ordinary workers do. It leads to an argument that some people think it is essential while others believe it is unequal. I partly agree with each opinions and this essay will analyze both of views to prove my choice.
      One the one hand, people finds it crucial that bosses of big companies utilize a higher amount of salaries than normal employees do, will point out some advantages of organization leaders when they earn a higher wages. Firstly, directors of a huge businesses have higher compensation because of their higher risks at work. For example, directors of companies are responsible for the fault of all work even they can be jailed if the work are illegal. It easier to put them at risks than employees. so they need to have higher compensation. Secondly, the higher salaries of leaders as a way to boost morales of ordinary workers.  It motives employees effort to achieve a higher situation at career ladder to have the higher amount of money for living. As a consequence, leaders of big companies earn higher salaries playing a vital roles in society.
     On the other hand, it is unfair for candidates when directors achieve a higher compensation. Some workers have worked for about eight to twelve hours a day as the time a director uses to work, but they do not have the some salaries. The inequality of wages cause a large gap between hard-working employees and employers although both of them effort for their success. Therefore, it is a problem caused from the higher wages employers of large organizations earn. 
      In conclusion, bosses are deserve for higher achievement in wages for all of their responsibilities and efforts to employees, it is should be considered about the gap of compensation looking at the hard work of some workers.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay presents a basic discussion on the issue of salary disparity between directors and ordinary employees. It attempts to cover both views and provides an opinion, but lacks depth and clarity in argumentation. There are notable grammatical errors and issues with vocabulary choice that hinder the overall effectiveness of the essay.

The essay addresses both views as required by the prompt but does so in a superficial manner. The arguments are not well-developed, and the reasoning behind the opinions is not sufficiently detailed. The writer's opinion is mentioned but not clearly or effectively supported with evidence or examples.

The essay has basic organization with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas are awkward, and some points within paragraphs lack clarity and connection. The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and more logical progression of ideas.

The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inappropriate, impacting the clarity of the arguments. There is repetition of certain phrases, and some word choices are incorrect or awkward, such as 'utilize a higher amount of salaries' and 'motives employees effort'. Greater lexical variety and precision are needed.

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence fragments. These errors detract from the clarity and readability of the essay. More complex sentence structures are attempted but often result in confusion.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction sets up the topic but lacks clarity and precision. The thesis statement is vague ('I partly agree with each opinions') and does not clearly present the writer's stance. It would benefit from a more specific outline of what the essay will cover.

Body paragraph 1

One the one hand, people finds it crucial that bosses of big companies utilize a higher amount of salaries than normal employees do, will point out some advantages of organization leaders when they earn a higher wages. Firstly, directors of a huge businesses have higher compensation because of their higher risks at work. For example, directors of companies are responsible for the fault of all work even they can be jailed if the work are illegal. It easier to put them at risks than employees. so they need to have higher compensation. Secondly, the higher salaries of leaders as a way to boost morales of ordinary workers. It motives employees effort to achieve a higher situation at career ladder to have the higher amount of money for living. As a consequence, leaders of big companies earn higher salaries playing a vital roles in society.

The paragraph attempts to present reasons for higher salaries for directors but lacks coherence and clarity. There are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'utilize a higher amount of salaries'. The examples are not well-developed or convincing, and the connection between ideas is weak.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, it is unfair for candidates when directors achieve a higher compensation. Some workers have worked for about eight to twelve hours a day as the time a director uses to work, but they do not have the some salaries. The inequality of wages cause a large gap between hard-working employees and employers although both of them effort for their success. Therefore, it is a problem caused from the higher wages employers of large organizations earn.

This paragraph presents the opposing view but is not well-developed. The argument about unfairness is mentioned but lacks depth and specific examples. Grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'the some salaries', make it difficult to follow the argument.

Conclusion

In conclusion, bosses are deserve for higher achievement in wages for all of their responsibilities and efforts to employees, it is should be considered about the gap of compensation looking at the hard work of some workers.

The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but does so ineffectively. The sentence structure is awkward, and the point about the compensation gap is not clearly articulated. It lacks a strong concluding statement that reinforces the writer's opinion.

Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN