Evaluation for Question #8582

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

Nowadays, it is true that leaders of big businesses earn much higher wages than ordinary workers do. It leads to an argument that some people think it is essential while others believe it is unequal. I fully agree with idea that directors of huge companies receive much salaries than workers do is important and this essay will analyze both of views to prove my choice.
      One the one hand, people find it crucial that bosses of big companies utilize a higher amount of salaries than normal employees do, will point out some advantages of organization leaders when they earn a higher wages. Firstly, directors of a huge businesses have higher compensation because of their higher risks at work. For example, directors of companies are responsible for the fault of all work even they can be jailed if the work are illegal. It easier to put them at risks than employees. so they need to have higher compensation. Secondly, the higher salaries of leaders as a way to boost morale of ordinary workers.  It motivates employees effort to achieve a higher situation at career ladder to have the higher amount of money for living. As a consequence, leaders of big companies earn higher salaries playing a vital roles in society.
     On the other hand, it is unfair for employees when directors achieve a higher compensation. Some workers work for about eight to twelve hours a day as the time a director uses to work, but they do not have the some salaries. The inequality of wages cause a large gap between hard-working employees and employers although both of them effort for their success. Therefore, employees are also candidates of a higher wages, similar to their leaders do.
      In conclusion, bosses are deserve for higher achievement in wages for all of their responsibilities and efforts to employees, it is should be considered about the gap of compensation looking at the hard work of some workers.

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5.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion, but it lacks clarity and precision in language use. The argument for higher salaries for directors is presented, but the reasoning is not fully developed or convincingly argued. There are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect readability and coherence.

The essay discusses both views on the salary disparity between directors and ordinary employees and provides an opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and the opinion is not clearly justified. The essay lacks depth in exploring the reasons behind the differing views and could benefit from more specific examples and explanations.

The essay is organized into paragraphs, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. Transitions between ideas are often unclear, and the structure within paragraphs is sometimes confusing. The use of linking words is limited, and ideas are not always logically connected.

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are frequent instances of awkward or incorrect word choices. Some key terms are repeated without variation, and there is a lack of precise language to effectively convey the arguments. The essay would benefit from more varied and accurate vocabulary.

There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence fragments. These errors detract from the clarity and professionalism of the writing. The essay needs more attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to improve readability.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction presents the topic and states an opinion. However, it contains awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The thesis statement is somewhat unclear and could be more concise and precise.

Body paragraph 1

One the one hand, people find it crucial that bosses of big companies utilize a higher amount of salaries than normal employees do, will point out some advantages of organization leaders when they earn a higher wages. Firstly, directors of a huge businesses have higher compensation because of their higher risks at work. For example, directors of companies are responsible for the fault of all work even they can be jailed if the work are illegal. It easier to put them at risks than employees. so they need to have higher compensation. Secondly, the higher salaries of leaders as a way to boost morale of ordinary workers. It motivates employees effort to achieve a higher situation at career ladder to have the higher amount of money for living. As a consequence, leaders of big companies earn higher salaries playing a vital roles in society.

This paragraph attempts to justify higher salaries for directors but lacks clarity and coherence. The points are not well-developed, and there are numerous grammatical errors. The reasoning is not fully convincing, and some ideas are repetitive.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, it is unfair for employees when directors achieve a higher compensation. Some workers work for about eight to twelve hours a day as the time a director uses to work, but they do not have the some salaries. The inequality of wages cause a large gap between hard-working employees and employers although both of them effort for their success. Therefore, employees are also candidates of a higher wages, similar to their leaders do.

This paragraph presents the opposing view but is marred by grammatical errors and unclear expression. The argument about fairness is introduced, but it is not thoroughly explored or supported with detailed examples. The logic is not fully developed.

Conclusion

In conclusion, bosses are deserve for higher achievement in wages for all of their responsibilities and efforts to employees, it is should be considered about the gap of compensation looking at the hard work of some workers.

The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but includes grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The opinion is reiterated, but it is not clearly justified or elaborated upon. The final sentence is confusing and needs rephrasing for clarity.

Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8582

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN