Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses both views of the topic and presents an opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and there are issues with coherence and clarity. The essay also contains numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which affect the readability.
The essay attempts to address both views, but the arguments are not sufficiently developed or supported with evidence. The opinion is stated, but it lacks a clear rationale. There is a lack of depth in discussing why directors should earn higher wages or why it might be unfair.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas are weak, and some sentences do not connect smoothly. There is also some repetition and lack of variation in sentence structures.
The vocabulary is adequate but limited. There are some attempts to use less common words, but they are not always used accurately. There is also repetition of certain phrases, which reduces lexical variety.
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, awkward phrasing, and inconsistent use of articles. These errors detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, it is true that leaders of big businesses earn higher wages than ordinary workers do. It leads to an argument that some people think it is essential while others believe it is unequal. I fully agree with idea that directors of huge companies receive higher salaries than workers do is important and this essay will analyze both of views to prove my choice.
The introduction attempts to outline the essay's purpose, but it is not clearly articulated. The thesis statement is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. Additionally, the phrase 'prove my choice' is informal and not suitable for an academic essay.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, people find it crucial that bosses of big companies utilize a higher amount of salaries than normal employees do, will point out some advantages of organization leaders when they earn a higher wages. Firstly, directors of huge businesses have higher compensation because of their higher risks at work. For example, directors of companies are responsible for the fault of all work even they can be jailed if their works are illegal. It is easier to put them at risks than employees, so they need to have higher compensation. Secondly, directors' higher amount of wages serve as a way to boost morale. It motivates employees to achieve a higher situation at career ladder to have the higher amount of money for living. As a consequence, leaders of big companies earn higher salaries playing a vital role in society.
The paragraph attempts to justify higher salaries for directors but lacks depth and clarity. The arguments are not well-supported, and the phrasing is often awkward or unclear. The example given is not well-explained, and the connection to boosting morale is weak.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, it is unfair for employees when directors achieve a higher compensation. Some workers work for about eight to twelve hours a day as the time a director uses to work, but they do not have the same salaries. The inequality of wages cause a large gap between hard-working employees and employers although both of them put effort into their success. Therefore, employees are also candidates of higher wages, similar to their leaders do.
The paragraph presents the counterargument but lacks specificity and development. The comparison between directors and employees is not effectively drawn, and the reasoning is not well-supported. The conclusion of the paragraph is unclear and lacks impact.
Conclusion
In conclusion, bosses are deserve for higher achievement in wages for all of their responsibilities and efforts to employees, it is should be considered the gap of compensation looking at the hard work of some workers.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay, but it is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The sentence structure is incorrect, and the ideas are not cohesively presented. The conclusion does not effectively restate the main points or the writer's opinion.
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