Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing an opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and there are inconsistencies in coherence and cohesion. The lexical resource is adequate, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay presents a clear position and discusses both views, but the arguments are not well-developed. The reasons supporting each view could be expanded with more evidence or examples. The opinion is stated, but the conclusion lacks depth and fails to reiterate or strongly support the presented arguments.
The essay is logically organized with a clear structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Some ideas are not fully connected, leading to a lack of cohesion. More cohesive devices and linking words could improve the flow of the essay.
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, and the writer attempts to use some less common words. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and repetitions in word choice. The range of vocabulary could be expanded to enhance the essay.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes obscure the meaning and reduce the overall clarity of the arguments.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
In recent years, it is common for leaders of organizations to receive higher salaries than their employees. While some argue this is preferential treatment, others, including me, consider it indeed is an essence of maintaining business.
The introduction presents the topic and outlines both views, but the sentence structure is awkward. The expression 'consider it indeed is an essence' is unclear and could be rephrased for clarity.
Body paragraph 1
It should be acknowledged that the compensation gap between leaders and employees is staggering in many companies. For instance, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies often make headlines about higher income and huge benefit packages, which total to millions of US dollars per year. In contrast, the average wage for ordinary workers ranges at a much more modest sum from 15 - 20 dollars per hour. This is unrealistic because all people work similar hours - 8 hours per day and sometimes top executive’s productivity is not as high as full time employees. Thus, this is unequal, considering effort and time commitment.
This paragraph presents one side of the argument, but the reasoning could be more developed. The claim about productivity is not substantiated, and the paragraph could benefit from more evidence or examples to support the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, arguments hold that paying higher money is crucial for organizational success. This is because directors play a vital role as they invest in the company and be responsible for the organization’s success and failure. Furthermore, it can motivate employees and attracts talent as high pay means that hard work and dedication are rewarded, inspiring workers to perform better and stay with the company. Therefore, contributing to the development of the company.
This paragraph discusses the opposing view and provides justification. However, the explanation of how higher salaries directly contribute to organizational success is vague. More specific examples or evidence could strengthen the argument.
Conclusion
Overall, Although leaders receive higher salaries can be considered as a bias, in my opinion, directors of huge organization get far greater pay can bring motivation to employees and increase the company's chance of success.
The conclusion restates the opinion but lacks depth and fails to effectively summarize the main points discussed. The sentence structure is awkward, and the conclusion could be improved by clearly reiterating the key arguments made in the essay.
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