Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task of discussing both views regarding the salary disparity between directors and employees. It presents arguments for both sides and includes a clear opinion. However, the essay lacks depth in discussing the perspectives and could benefit from more detailed examples and analysis. The coherence and cohesion are somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions and some unclear connections between ideas. The lexical resource is adequate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing. The grammatical range is limited, and there are noticeable errors that affect clarity.
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the analysis lacks depth. More detailed examples and explanations would strengthen the task response.
The essay is generally coherent, but transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, and connections between points are not always clear. Improved use of cohesive devices and clearer structuring of ideas would enhance coherence and cohesion.
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and some repetition. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would improve the lexical resource.
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures. There are errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and word choice that affect clarity. Greater grammatical variety and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
In recent years, it is common for leaders of organizations to receive higher salaries than their employees. While some argue this is preferential treatment, others, including me, consider it indeed is an essence of maintaining business.
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents a balanced view, including the writer's opinion. However, the phrasing is somewhat awkward, particularly 'consider it indeed is an essence of maintaining business.'
Body paragraph 1
It should be acknowledged that the compensation gap between leaders and employees is staggering in many companies. For instance, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies often make headlines about higher income and huge benefit packages, which total to millions of US dollars per year. In contrast, the average wage for ordinary workers ranges at a much more modest sum from 15 - 20 dollars per hour. This is unrealistic because all people work similar hours - 8 hours per day and sometimes top executive’s productivity is not as high as full time employees. Thus, this is unequal, considering effort and time commitment.
This paragraph outlines the argument against high executive salaries, using an example of Fortune 500 CEOs. However, the analysis of the issue is somewhat superficial and could benefit from more detailed exploration of the reasons behind the perceived unfairness.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, arguments hold that paying higher money is crucial for organizational success. This is because directors play a vital role as they invest in the company and be responsible for the organization’s success and failure. Furthermore, it can motivate employees and attracts talent as high pay means that hard work and dedication are rewarded, inspiring workers to perform better and stay with the company. Therefore, contributing to the development of the company.
The paragraph presents arguments in favor of high executive salaries, emphasizing the role of directors and the motivational aspect. However, the connections between points are not clearly articulated, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed.
Conclusion
Overall, Although leaders receive higher salaries can be considered as a bias, in my opinion, directors of huge organization get far greater pay can bring motivation to employees and increase the company's chance of success.
The conclusion restates the opinion and summarizes the discussion. However, the sentence structure is awkward, and the argument could be more clearly expressed.
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