Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and clarity. The coherence and cohesion are present but could be improved with clearer linking between ideas. The lexical resource is adequate, though there are some awkward expressions and word choices. Grammatical range and accuracy are generally good, but there are some noticeable errors.
The essay discusses both views and provides an opinion, but the arguments are not fully developed. The reasoning for why high salaries for directors are necessary could be expanded. Additionally, the response to why it might be considered unfair could be strengthened with more concrete examples or explanations.
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, and there is an attempt to link ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs are abrupt, and the flow of ideas could be smoother. There is a need for more cohesive devices to connect ideas logically.
The vocabulary is appropriate for the task, but there are some awkward expressions, such as 'it indeed is an essence of maintaining business.' Word choice is sometimes imprecise, which affects the clarity of the arguments. There is limited use of advanced vocabulary.
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are errors that impede clarity. For example, 'can motivate employees and attracts talent' should be parallel in structure. There are also issues with verb forms and articles.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people believe this is necessary, but others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
In recent years, it is common for leaders of organizations to receive higher salaries than their employees. While some argue this is preferential treatment, others, including me, consider it indeed is an essence of maintaining business.
The introduction presents the topic and outlines both views. However, the phrase 'it indeed is an essence of maintaining business' is awkward and unclear. The introduction could be more engaging with a clearer thesis statement.
Body paragraph 1
It should be acknowledged that the compensation gap between leaders and employees is staggering in many companies. For instance, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies often make headlines about higher income and huge benefit packages, which total to millions of US dollars per year. In contrast, the average wage for ordinary workers ranges at a much more modest sum from 15 - 20 dollars per hour. This is unrealistic because all people work similar hours - 8 hours per day and sometimes top executive’s productivity is not as high as full time employees. Thus, this is unequal, considering effort and time commitment.
This paragraph provides examples to support the view that high salaries for directors are unfair. However, the reasoning is somewhat simplistic, and the comparison of productivity lacks depth. More evidence or examples could enhance the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, arguments hold that paying higher money is crucial for organizational success. This is because directors play a vital role as they invest in the company and be responsible for the organization’s success and failure. Furthermore, it can motivate employees and attracts talent as high pay means that hard work and dedication are rewarded, inspiring workers to perform better and stay with the company. Therefore, contributing to the development of the company.
The paragraph outlines reasons why high pay for directors is necessary. The points are relevant but not fully developed. The sentence structure is sometimes unclear, and the ideas could be expanded with more detailed explanations or examples.
Conclusion
Overall, Although leaders receive higher salaries can be considered as a bias, in my opinion, directors of huge organization get far greater pay can bring motivation to employees and increase the company's chance of success.
The conclusion restates the opinion and summarizes the main points. However, the sentence structure is awkward, and the conclusion could be more impactful by reinforcing the key arguments presented in the essay.
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