Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both the negative and positive aspects of living in big cities in terms of health. The writer provides relevant examples and explanations for their points, but there is room for improvement in coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy.
The essay addresses the task by providing a partial agreement with the statement. The writer discusses both sides of the argument, providing examples for both the negative and positive health impacts of living in big cities. However, the position could be more clearly presented, and the conclusion could be strengthened to provide a more definitive stance.
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs for different points. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and sentences within paragraphs could be more clearly linked to improve overall flow and coherence.
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words. However, there are some awkward expressions and repetitive language. More varied and precise vocabulary would enhance the lexical resource score.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors occasionally impede understanding and need to be addressed to improve clarity and precision.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
In this fast-paced world, health is a controversial problem. Many people argue that living in a metropolis is bad for citizen’s health. I partly agree with this topic and I will discuss in this passage
The introduction provides a general context and states a partial agreement. However, it could be improved by clearly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Additionally, the phrase 'health is a controversial problem' is not accurate and could be rephrased.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, living in big cities increases the risk of respiratory issues. When you survive in urban areas you will face up with a wide range of pollution from many fields in the city. For instance, when you hang out you need to breathe in the environment that has pollution from vehicles such as motorbike, car, bus. When you breathe for a long time you will suffer from respiratory problems because you live in an area that has a poor quality of air. Moreover, surviving in urban areas makes people have health problems. Residents live in a metropolis that has negative air quality. This is because the city can’t have enough water for all people so many citizens need to drink or use water from polluted areas. As a result, they will have a risk of cancer or kidney issues and they might have problems with their immune system since polluted water has many harmful bacteria.
The paragraph effectively outlines the negative health impacts of urban living, using examples related to air and water pollution. However, there are several grammatical issues, including awkward phrasing and incorrect tense usage. Clarifying and linking ideas more effectively would enhance cohesion.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, staying in urban areas is good for people’s health. Cities have a wide range of medical facilities that can help citizens' health. Medical facilities such as hospitals have advanced medical equipment, professional doctors can handle any problems for individuals. In addition, urban areas have a wide range of recreational activities and individuals can participate in them. They can have positive emotions and reduce the risk of mental health problems such as depression, anxiety or stress.
This paragraph presents the positive aspects of urban living, focusing on medical facilities and recreational opportunities. The ideas are relevant, but the paragraph would benefit from more specific examples and smoother transitions between sentences. Additionally, some sentences are fragmented and require grammatical correction.
Conclusion
To conclude, living in big cities has many health problems such as respiratory and kidney problems. However, surviving in urban areas can access a high standard of medical treatment and reduce risk of mental health problems. If you want a good air quality environment you shouldn’t live in a metropolis but if you want a high standard of medical care or you prefer recreational activities you should stay in urban areas.
The conclusion summarizes the main points discussed in the essay but lacks a clear and decisive stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement. It would be improved by restating the writer’s position more clearly and providing a more cohesive summary of the arguments presented.
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