Evaluation for Question #8583

Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your Essay

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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar

The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, there are some issues with coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy. The essay could benefit from more precise language and a more sophisticated range of vocabulary.

The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant arguments and examples. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout, and the conclusion does not fully align with the introduction's stance. The essay could further develop the argument against the negative impacts on health.

The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs. However, there is a lack of clear transitions between ideas, particularly between the paragraphs. Some ideas are not fully developed or connected, which affects the overall flow of the essay.

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of repetition and some misuse of words. More variety and precision in word choice would improve the lexical resource score.

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structures and punctuation. There is a need for more complex sentence structures and better control over grammatical accuracy.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction

There is no doubt that big cities have many amenities for residents’ lives . However, in recent years, it is said that people's well-being living in urban areas can be affected by bad environmental conditions. In this essay I will explain why I totally disagree with this opinion.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, there is no doubt that living in big cities can have a wide range of effects on people's health conditions. Firstly, air pollution is a concerning problem that many cities have to deal with. All the emissions coming from industrial processes or transportation contribute to the worse air quality, which is a main cause for severe diseases such as lung cancer or respiratory problems. Secondly, living in big cities usually makes people lead a busy life. This means that they need to take a fast-paced lifestyle, which can cause serious effects on people's mentality. Allowing social issues to thrive due to the fact that people with negative thoughts can easily be attracted to evils, such as superstitions, robbing or even drugs. One example for this drawback is Japan, which is famous for its high depression and suicide rates among workers. This is contributed by many factors coming from society such as high expectations or over working.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, it is argued that with better facilities and healthcare services, those challenges can be addressed. The government also implements various policies allowing medical services to be available to everyone, which is an advantage for city dwellers. Moreover, there is a dense network of healthcare centres, hospitals or clinics around the cities, meaning that citizens can easily schedule appointments without long waiting times, all while receiving high-quality care .Additionally, cities usually offer many physical activities, such as swimming pools, gyms, which help people to relieve stress and also improve their physical well-being .

Conclusion

In conclusion, despite the fact that living in urban areas can pose health risks by pollution or negative lifestyles, it also offers many healthcare services and facilities for city dwellers. Therefore, I believe that big cities life is not entirely bad for citizens, which can be relied on individuals' choices of lifestyle.

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Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội