Some people say that governments should pay for people's health care and education, while others say it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people say that governments should pay for people's health care and education, while others say it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, there are several areas that require improvement, including grammatical accuracy, lexical resource, and coherence. The arguments are not sufficiently developed, and there are frequent language errors that hinder understanding.
The essay discusses both views and provides an opinion, which is essential for task completion. However, the arguments could be more developed and supported with examples or evidence. The opinion is stated, but the overall argument lacks depth and detail.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with paragraph organization and logical progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inappropriate, leading to a lack of clarity in some parts.
The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes repetitive. There are also instances of incorrect word choice, which affect the precision and clarity of the arguments. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement. These errors impede understanding and reduce the overall quality of the writing. The essay needs more varied and complex sentence structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people say that governments should pay for people's health care and education, while others say it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, many people discuss that it is the responsibility of governments is to pay for citizen health care and education while other say it is not the concern of nation leaders. In my point of view, while i thinking that it is both individuals and governments duty. In this essay, i will discuss both my opinion.
The introduction attempts to present the topic and the writer's opinion, but it contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The sentence structure is awkward, and the thesis statement is not clearly articulated.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, i believe individuals have a duty to pay for their health care and education services. The reason why i am think own people have to paid for this services by themselves because it will reduce financial burden for the governments. Moreover, when citizens take responsibility for their health care and education services, they are more likely to value these services. For instance, students who have to paid all their tuition fees often take their studies seriously because they understand the cost and efforts to make these money. It is similar to people who paid for healthcare services, these people will have a high awareness of choosing healthier lifestyle. Furthermore, this sense of responsibility can lead to a more disciplined and self sufficient societies.
This paragraph presents the argument that individuals should pay for their own services, but it contains numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The ideas are not fully developed, and there is a lack of clear examples or evidence to support the claims.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, the World's leader also play a vital role in providing healthcare and education. These are basic fundamental human rights and not everyone have financial support to effort them. If governments funds these services using money from taxes, it ensures the opportunity for all citizens regardless off their financial background. Moreover, by using money from taxes can reduce the financial burden when investing in health and education fields due to both of these services are quit expensive.
This paragraph discusses the role of governments, but there are repeated grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The argument is not clearly developed or supported. The use of 'on the one hand' again is incorrect and confusing in terms of coherence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both individuals and governments have responsibilities in ensuring access to healthcare and education. While people should contribute financially when possible, the government must also support those in need. A balanced approach will create a more equitable and prosperous society.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the opinion. It is clear and concise, but could benefit from a stronger connection to the arguments presented in the body paragraphs. The language is more accurate here than in other parts of the essay.
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