Some people believe that university students should pay all the costs of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Some people believe that university students should pay all the costs of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a relevant response to the task, with ideas that are generally connected to the question. However, there are issues with task response, coherence, lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy that limit the effectiveness of the arguments presented. Greater clarity and organization, as well as improved language control, are needed to achieve a higher score.
The essay addresses the task and presents a position, but the argument is somewhat unbalanced. Although it acknowledges both sides of the argument, the essay primarily supports the view that students should pay for their education. The supporting examples and explanations are not consistently well-developed or convincing. The conclusion merely restates the introduction without adding depth to the argument.
The essay has a basic structure, but ideas are not always logically organized within paragraphs. Transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt or unclear, which affects the overall flow. Each paragraph attempts to address different aspects of the argument, but the connections between them could be strengthened.
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are occasional errors in word choice and formality. Some expressions are awkward or repetitive, and there is a lack of precision in language use. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, but they are not always used accurately.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and reduce the overall clarity of the argument. Greater grammatical control is needed to improve the quality of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people believe that university students should pay all the costs of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Nowadays, some people claim that undergraduate students should make a transaction of the cost of their tuition fees because studying only be beneficial for themselves. And I agree with this opinion.
The introduction presents a clear stance on the issue, but the phrasing is awkward (e.g., 'make a transaction of the cost of their tuition fees'). The introduction could be more engaging and precise in setting up the argument.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there is a reason why governments should support them with educational fees. With the knowledge and experiences that undergraduate students receive from school, individuals can learn in the most suitable environment and become better at their profession. Therefore, allowing some of them to come up with innovations and breakthroughs-which are also bring benefits for the development of society and the country. For example, there is a university student-Matt Mullenweg who invented a software called Wordpress. By his invention, many businesses are allowed to access to more guest directly and help develop the economy of the country.
The paragraph attempts to present a counterargument but lacks coherence. The example of Matt Mullenweg is relevant but not well integrated into the argument. The transition from general to specific ideas needs improvement, and the explanation of how education benefits society is underdeveloped.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, university student students should have responsibility for the costs of studying university because only they are allowed to take advantages of academic education. Firstly, student are the direct receivers of the knowledge and experience provided by university. Through attending lectures, training sessions, they are being improved their knowledge related to their major. Thus, students can broaden their horizon, have more career opportunities and they can have a more rewarded job. For that reason, it is fair that they should be held responsible for covering their tuition fees. Secondly, financing their own educational cost for a sense of responsibility. Because of paying the fees by themselves, students may take it more seriously and higher commitment toward learning. Thanks to appreciating the value of the studying process, undergraduate students may have better result and higher academic performance, it will increase their chance of getting a well paid-job and grant a rewarding career prospects. Therefore, forcing students to cover the tuition fees is more suitable.
This paragraph presents the main argument but is repetitive and lacks clarity. There are several grammatical errors, and the sentence structures are awkward. The argument could be more concise and logically developed, with clearer transitions between points.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some people claimed that university students have responsibility to handle their studying university costs because of the advantages that it brings to them and I agree with this opinion.
The conclusion merely restates the introduction without providing a strong summary or final insight. It would benefit from a more concise and impactful restatement of the main points and a clearer link to the initial argument.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
