Evaluation for Question #8585

Some people believe that university students should pay all the costs of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Some people believe that university students should pay all the costs of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your Essay

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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar

The essay presents a clear argument and makes a reasonable attempt to address the task. However, there are areas that require improvement, particularly in coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy. The essay could also benefit from a more balanced discussion of the topic.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position. The argument is supported with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion that acknowledges both sides of the argument in greater depth. The conclusion reiterates the position but could be more insightful.

The essay is logically organized, and ideas are generally clear. However, there are some issues with cohesion and paragraphing. The connection between ideas could be improved with better linking words and phrases. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the task. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice. Further development of vocabulary and more precise language usage would strengthen the essay.

The essay contains a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and article usage. Improving grammatical accuracy and range would enhance the clarity of the essay.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some people believe that university students should pay all the costs of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction

Nowadays, some people claim that undergraduate students should make a transaction of the cost of their tuition fees because studying only be beneficial for themselves. And I agree with this opinion.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, there is a reason why governments should support them with educational fees. With the knowledge and experiences that undergraduate students receive from school, individuals can learn in the most suitable environment and become better at their profession. Therefore, allowing some of them to come up with innovations and breakthroughs-which are also bring benefits for the development of society and the country. For example, there is a university student-Matt Mullenweg who invented a software called Wordpress. By his invention, many businesses are allowed to access to more guest directly and help develop the economy of the country.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, university student students should have responsibility for the costs of studying university because only they are allowed to take advantages of academic education. Firstly, student are the direct receivers of the knowledge and experience provided by university. Through attending lectures, training sessions, they are being improved their knowledge related to their major. Thus, students can broaden their horizon, have more career opportunities and they can have a more rewarded job. For that reason, it is fair that they should be held responsible for covering their tuition fees. Secondly, financing their own educational cost for a sense of responsibility. Because of paying the fees by themselves, students may take it more seriously and higher commitment toward learning. Thanks to appreciating the value of the studying process, undergraduate students may have better result and higher academic performance, it will increase their chance of getting a well paid-job and grant a rewarding career prospects. Therefore, forcing students to cover the tuition fees is more suitable.

Conclusion

In conclusion, some people claimed that university students have responsibility to handle their studying university costs because of the advantages that it brings to them and I agree with this opinion.

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