Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced view on the responsibility of environmental protection between politicians and individuals. It provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, there are some issues with coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy that prevent it from achieving a higher score.
The essay addresses the task by presenting a partial agreement to the statement and providing arguments for both politicians and individuals having roles in environmental protection. The examples provided are relevant, but the essay could benefit from more in-depth analysis or additional arguments to strengthen the position.
The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphs. However, both body paragraphs are introduced with 'On the one hand,' which creates some confusion. The essay would benefit from better transitional phrases to enhance cohesion and clarity.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some precise language related to environmental issues. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition, such as 'the power of society' and 'issues of the environment,' which slightly detract from the overall lexical quality.
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are errors in grammar and phrasing that affect clarity. For instance, 'the higher authorities of them' is grammatically incorrect. The essay would benefit from careful proofreading to correct these errors.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is believed that protecting nature is all about the politicians’ jobs instead of individuals due to the higher authorities of them. In my perspective, I partially agree with this opinion because although the politicians have a decisive role in implementing environmental laws, the power of society also has a significant impact on the issues of the environment.
The introduction clearly states the thesis by indicating partial agreement, but the phrase 'due to the higher authorities of them' is awkward. Consider rephrasing for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that the authorities play a crucial role in implementing the rules and impose their power to protect the environment. For instance, by the implementation of stricter policies regarding environmental protection by the governments, companies and corporations are forbidden from polluting the environment. Besides, if the authorities impose more tax on industrial actions that release harmful emissions or discharge waste to the environment, it can contribute to better and more sustainable development. Therefore, these actions can address the root causes of pollution, which then lead to some global solution such as environmental conservation campaigns.
The paragraph presents clear arguments regarding the role of politicians, supported by examples. However, the transition phrase 'On the one hand' is inappropriate here since it suggests a comparison that hasn't been set up yet. Additionally, 'impose more tax' should be 'impose higher taxes' for grammatical accuracy.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, the power of individuals also has a significant impact on the issues of the environment. This is due to the fact that small and daily actions from individuals such as recycling, using eco-friendly products or disposing trash in the right places can make a huge difference to the environment. Besides, raising awareness of citizens can promote fewer waste and create greener communities, proving that the power of society can address the issues of the environment. Singapore can be exemplified as an outstanding case of green development and sustainable industrialization without hurting their local ecosystem through strict compliance with waste disposal and environmental protection regulations.
This paragraph effectively argues for the role of individuals, supported by the example of Singapore. However, using 'On the one hand' again is confusing and should be corrected. 'Promote fewer waste' should be 'promote less waste' for grammatical accuracy.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although the politicians have a decisive role in implementing environmental laws and increasing taxes, the power of society also has a significant impact on the issues of the environment by complying with small and daily actions to protect nature.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the thesis. It is concise and directly related to the content of the essay.
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