Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
6.5
Task Response
6.0
Coherence
6.5
Lexical
6.5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides some supporting arguments to justify this position. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion, as well as lexical and grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall quality of the writing. The task response is adequately addressed, but further development and more balanced discussion could enhance the essay.
The essay clearly states the position that environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians rather than individuals. The arguments are somewhat developed, but the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion, perhaps by considering the role individuals can play, even if limited. Additional examples and further analysis could strengthen the task response.
The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with cohesive devices, and the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. The essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice that limit clarity. Further expansion of vocabulary and more precise word choice would improve the lexical resource score.
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that impact the clarity and flow of the writing. More attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation would improve grammatical accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Some people think that the accountability of protecting the earth merely belongs to the state because they have more influence than a singular person. I concur with this opinion and I believe the government is the one who has enough power to alleviate environmental issues.
The introduction clearly presents the writer's opinion and sets the stage for the essay. However, it could be improved by briefly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs to provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Body paragraph 1
One remarkable reason why politicians can improve the ecosystem is their ability to implement various policies. Policy makers can impose taxes, enforce laws on factories which run on fossil fuel, forcing them to switch to a more sustainable option including solar energy, wind power, thermal energy. For instance, Finland has prohibited electric companies which use coal to generate energy, compelling them to use solar panels and wind turbines instead. This procedure has acted as a deterrent, reducing the total detrimental emissions of Finland in producing electricity to nearly zero.
This paragraph provides a valid argument with specific examples. However, it could be strengthened by elaborating on how these policies influence long-term change and addressing potential counterarguments. Additionally, the transition between ideas could be smoother.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore, dreadful earth’s problems such as global warming or rising sea level are too vast for an individual to deal with, it needs numerous efforts and cooperation of nations and environmental organisations. This is because handling those dilemmas require a vast array of cutting-edge technology, experts and research. For example, to investigate the average sea level per year in Japan, it needs a lot of experienced scientists, modern machines to collect and analyse data from different regions across the country. These resources are not a thing that a citizen can possess and operate, hence environmental preservation should be the obligation of the government.
This paragraph effectively discusses the complexity of environmental issues and the resources required to address them. However, it could be improved by providing more detailed examples and ensuring grammatical accuracy. The argument could be more compelling by considering potential roles individuals might play in supporting governmental initiatives.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe improving the inhabitants is the authority’s accountability because of their capability to implement a multitude of laws and cooperate with other countries. The essence of earth’s trouble consists of prolonged drought, terrible disasters are on a large scale and by no means possible to tackle with just one individual.
The conclusion restates the main argument but introduces a new idea ('improving the inhabitants') that is unclear. It should focus on summarizing the key points discussed in the essay without introducing new concepts. Additionally, improving clarity and coherence would enhance the conclusion.
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