Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position. However, it could benefit from clearer organization and more precise language. There is a good attempt to use a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures, though there are errors that affect clarity and coherence.
The essay provides a balanced discussion of the roles of both politicians and individuals in environmental protection. It presents relevant examples and supports the arguments effectively. However, the conclusion could more clearly restate the main points and clarify the writer's position.
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt or unclear. More effective use of linking words and clearer paragraphing would improve cohesion. The conclusion could better summarize the main arguments.
The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choice, which sometimes impede understanding. More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance clarity.
The essay uses a range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and punctuation that affect readability. Greater grammatical accuracy and complexity would improve the overall quality of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
On the one hand, government officials should take the leading role in handling environmental problems since they possess resources and power to implement stricter policies on a large scale.
The introduction provides a clear statement of the topic and the writer's viewpoint, but it could be more engaging and set up the essay's arguments more clearly.
Body paragraph 1
It is evident that they can introduce regulations taxing on industrial activities that release harmful emissions to the environment. Furthermore, due to how immerse environmental issues can be, the consequences if humans pollute the environment may be detrimental to public health and economy. This is exemplified that climate change which is a pressing issue globally causes severe natural disasters leading to the damage of infrastructure, houses and businesses and resulting in the significant economic loss. As a result, individuals can not deal with such problems and the authorities must be tasked with conserving the ecosystem.
This paragraph provides relevant points and examples to support the role of the government. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased, which affects clarity. Simplifying structures and ensuring each idea is clearly linked would improve coherence.
Body paragraph 2
However, the residents should be responsible to protect the environment as the government's initiatives would be undermined if íts citizens do not take responsibility and polluting the environment. Water contamination of the To Lich river is a vivid example for this argument, whereas the authorities introduce a law to prohibit the discharging of illegal waste water, some people continue to throw trash into the water. Therefore, the To Lich river is still polluted. As a consequence, raising people’s awareness can contribute to fewer waste and a greener community, proving that the power of society can address environmental problems and preserving the environment is also achievable through collective effort of the whole community. Another reason is that the government's budget is limited and there are more other alarming concerns including transport, alleviating poverty healthcare or combating climate change. Consequently, people should be obligated to safeguard nature to reduce the strain on government’s resources.
This paragraph effectively discusses the role of individuals and provides a relevant example. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward transitions. Improving sentence structure and coherence between ideas would enhance the argument's impact.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while it is believed that preserving nature is the obligation of the state, individuals do not take responsibility for it since they do too little. In my opinion, I argue that both the public institutions and all citizens should take care of nature because protecting the environment not only requires policies from the state but also requires changes in people's habits.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. However, it could be more concise and clearer in summarizing the arguments presented. Clarifying the final position and ensuring it aligns with the essay's content would strengthen the conclusion.
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