Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced argument regarding the roles of both politicians and individuals in environmental protection. However, it lacks depth in exploring why individuals might not have significant impact alone and could improve in coherence and cohesion. Vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied, and there are some grammatical inaccuracies.
The essay addresses the task by discussing the roles of both politicians and individuals in environmental protection. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of why individuals might be perceived as having limited impact. The argument could be further developed with more examples or explanations.
The essay is generally coherent, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. There is some lack of clarity in linking ideas, especially in the conclusion. Cohesion devices are used, but not always effectively.
The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas but lacks variety and precision. Some phrases are repeated, and there are opportunities to use more sophisticated vocabulary. The essay could benefit from a wider range of expressions.
The essay contains some grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward sentence structures. While there are complex sentences, they are not always used accurately. More attention to grammatical accuracy would improve the clarity of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Some people believe that protecting the environment, whether the government should be responsible or individuals should take up this mantle. Personally, I think that the heavy duty of environmental protection should be performed by both the politicians and residents.
The introduction presents a clear thesis statement but is somewhat awkwardly phrased. It sets up a discussion of both parties' responsibilities but could do so more clearly.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, politicians can advocate for the government to enact new laws that prevent environmental damage by human activities. Firstly, increasing environmental taxes on businesses and factories may stop illegal discharges of untreated waste. The implementation of higher taxes will encourage businesses to be aware of their actions and improve waste discharge systems in production areas, reducing the impacts on the environment. For example, in Sweden, they implemented a carbon tax in 1991, which aimed at lessening the amount of carbon dioxide emissions. Secondly, politicians should ban all companies that overexploit natural resources. Overexploitation of forest resources will lead to the depletion of valuable sources such as gas, coal, or petroleum.
The paragraph provides relevant examples and explains how politicians can contribute to environmental protection. However, it could benefit from more detailed explanation and connections between the ideas presented.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, each action changing an individual's behavior towards the environment will contribute to its preservation. Using public transit or bicycles is the most popular way to protect the environment. For example, the majority of residents in the Netherlands use bicycles and subway trains for their daily travel instead of individual vehicles, which helps reduce the amount of carbon dioxide and improve air quality. Not only that, but the environmental problem can also be tackled if people avoid environmentally unsustainable lifestyles. The significant shift of demand in a part of the population has generated tons of waste in recent years because of excessive shopping. For instance, it was reported that the rising waste resulting from fast fashion, which boosts individuals to purchase a lot of fashionable items to keep up with the latest trends, is a major concern.
This paragraph discusses the role of individuals well, with examples to support the points made. However, it could be improved by linking the ideas more clearly and discussing the limitations of individual actions more explicitly.
Conclusion
To sum up, I strongly believe that the government alone should not solve this problem. A lack of contribution from individuals raises concerns. Individuals should collaborate with residents to reduce the impact on the environment.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but introduces some confusion with the phrase 'collaborate with residents.' It needs to more clearly reflect the main arguments and provide a coherent summary.
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