Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a clear response to the task, with some development of ideas. However, the arguments are not fully explored, and some points lack clarity. The coherence and cohesion are reasonable, though there are some inconsistencies in paragraphing and linking between ideas. Lexical resource is adequate but not varied, and there are noticeable grammatical errors.
The essay addresses the task and presents a position, but the arguments are not fully developed. While the essay disagrees with the statement and provides examples, it does not thoroughly explore how individuals can contribute significantly. There is a mix of relevant and less relevant information.
The essay is generally coherent, but there are issues with paragraphing and transitions. The introduction sets the context but is slightly off-topic. Paragraphs do not always have clear topic sentences, and ideas are not always logically sequenced. Cohesive devices are used but not always effectively.
Vocabulary is sufficient to express ideas, but there is limited range and some inappropriate word choices. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but these are not always successful. Errors do not impede communication.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including sentence fragments, incorrect verb forms, and punctuation mistakes. These errors affect clarity and demonstrate a limited range of sentence structures. More complex sentences are attempted but not always accurately.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Nowadays, the environmental problem is a global issue that many people around the world should take as a response to solve this problem. In my opinion, I disagree that not only governments and large organizations can improve the environment but every civilian and individual person can help this world to be better by little details.
The introduction provides a general statement about environmental issues but could be more directly related to the task. The thesis statement is clear but could be more specific about how individuals can contribute.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, the most common thing about improving the green world is managing wasted food. Although some restaurants are blamed for overproduction, people should consider consuming in the appropriate amount. For example, the number of wasted food from buffet restaurants is massive because many clients love ordering a lot of food and they cannot eat them all. Second, air pollution is also a big concern in many cities. Factories and large companies are always attacked by media that create and release carbon dioxide into the environment. However, personal vehicles such as cars, vans, and motorcycles are also a key factor in air contamination. For instance, many families use private cars instead of public transportation because they would like to have convenient travel.
The paragraph introduces relevant ideas about food waste and air pollution but lacks depth in explaining individual responsibilities. The examples provided are relevant but not fully explained. Transitions between points could be smoother.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless. governments are still play an important role in this topic. They must have policies to control many restaurants to generate a proper amount of food per day. Furthermore, companies must have rules and penalties for customers who waste grain. For air pollution, governments should provide accessible transportation to reduce the number of personal car use. Moreover, they have to investigate many factories and make sure these companies do not cause any environmental problems.
This paragraph focuses more on governmental roles, which slightly shifts from the essay's main argument. It lacks cohesion with the previous paragraph and doesn't link well with the task. The ideas about government's responsibility are relevant but not fully developed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, environmental improvement can start from the lowest scale with each person, separated families, and move to large scales, such as businesses, companies, nationalities, and global. Thus, correspondents at any level can make an impact on the environment.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points but is somewhat vague. It reiterates the thesis but lacks a strong closing statement. The transitional phrase 'Thus' is not used appropriately.
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