Evaluation for Question #8586

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your Essay

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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar

The essay presents a clear opinion and provides relevant arguments to support it. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion, as well as lexical and grammatical accuracy, which affect the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively by presenting a clear stance that both governments and individuals have roles in addressing environmental protection. It provides relevant examples and arguments to support the ideas presented. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion on the limitations and potential of individual actions.

The essay is generally coherent, with ideas logically organized into paragraphs. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Some sentences are overly complex, affecting readability and cohesion.

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward word choices. Some phrases are repetitive, and there is a need for more precise and varied expressions.

The essay shows a range of grammatical structures but contains several errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and punctuation. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and reduce the fluency of the essay.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction

There is a scientific report that goods and passengers' transport is the chief cause of contamination. The authority is thought to be responsible to this problem, yet other people assume it is every resident's mistake. While I believe that the state should tackle this issue by implementing laws, taxes and funds, there needs to be a collective effort from everyone to change consumption habit and switch to eco-friendly means of transport.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, the government has both adequate power and resource to deal with pollution relating to the transportation of products and people. Initially, politicians should enhance internal production by national commercial policies to restrict the products imported from foreign countries. They can also impose taxes to large-scale businesses such as traffic tax or environmental tax whenever such enterprises transport a large amount of goods. Thus, such implementation can reduce the emission from transport vehicles to the minimum degree. Additionally, the authority may make advantages of this money from taxes to, in turn, invest in programs and campaignes to decrease contamination and protect the environment. Secondly, pollution is an international problem and only governments have the capability to coordinate and cooperate with other nations to deal with. For instance, some countries in APEC may reach a commercial agreement with each other to rise the price of fossil fuel - the main energy of means of transport worldwide. This will help other countries less depend on fossil fuel and turn to other alternative energy.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, the joint activities of individuals can make a great contribution to solve the pollution problem by changing purchase habit. They can turn to support national products instead of international brands, which restrict the transportation of goods. They may switch to use public transport or bicycle instead of private cars or motorbikes to reduce the exhaust fumes.

Conclusion

To conclude, meanwhile states should be in charge of minimize the main source of pollution by taxes and regulations, there must be a collective engagement of every inhabitant to raise awareness about contamination and switch their regular activities which are eco-unfriendly.

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